In the world of sports, commentators, writers and other members of the media like to throw around all sorts of overused sports terms. Since many members of the media often have a close relationship with the players, they have to choose their words carefully when they criticize them in the newspaper or on a broadcast.

Over the years, several critical sports terms have become mainstream. These politically-correct terms usually hide some type of flaw in the player’s game. Here are a few examples.

Game Manager

A term given often given to a mediocre quarterback who happens to play on a team with good defense and a strong running game. Typically it’s someone who throws like a girl, can’t hit receivers downfield, but rarely gets picked off. It usually takes him 20 plays to execute a scoring drive because he can’t throw the ball effectively on passes more than five yards.

The media may say something like: “The Miami Dolphins have a great running game and a solid defense. If Chad Pennington can just manage the game, I like their chances of coming out with the victory this Sunday.”

Translation: “The Dolphins have a great rushing attack and their defense may even score some points for them. If Pennington can just hand the ball off to Ronnie Brown and not throw the ball to the other team four times, then they should probably win this game 9-7. (more…)

This is a guest post from Dr. Faust from The Lamest. I also did a guest post on his site which can be read here.

Advertising has been the cornerstone of human commerce for as long as mankind has had branded products to sell. Archeologists believe the first such product was a caveman marital aid called the “hit on her” club.

Since that first clever caveman marketing campaign, advertising methods have evolved.

Ancient advertising companies generally employed the “buy this [insert product here] or god will smite the shit out of you” approach. Buyers soon became tired of this advertising technique and as a result marketing executives were whipped, crucified or forced to duel it out with Russell Crowe if they ever pitched the “Smitey God” angle to clients.

Dark Ages advert executives learned from their slain marketing forbears by taking a more uplifting positive advertising angle. The problem was the average consumer at the time was penniless, had leprosy and was stuck farming bland vegetables on some crap farm in county serfdom. (more…)

It’s time for another installment of “Unintentionally Funny Local Commercials”—the original LWB feature which takes a local commercial that is just so bad, it’s actually funny. Today’s local commercial is for Mo Money Taxes. Yes. I couldn’t believe it either—there is a tax company actually called Mo Money Taxes. Amazingly, they seem to have over 250 locations all throughout the Southern United States.

I personally would never trust my taxes to a company called “Mo Money Taxes,” and this commercial does nothing to quell my fears. Check out the ad…. (more…)

For a little more than three weeks each month, I’m engaged to a wonderful woman who makes me very happy.  But for one week each month she turns into a terrible monster—like a werewolf when a full moon is out—and she no longer resembles the person I’m going to marry.  The week she gets her period, my girl becomes a shell of her former self and turns into a frightening creature that crushes everything in her path.

This is often an unpleasant experience for the both of us.  Everything I do annoys her, which results in her yelling at me, which in turn gets me pissed at her for getting mad at me for no reason.

But FEAR NOT! Through trial and error, I’ve learned ways to take down this monster—like a stake in the heart of a vampire.  Practice these methods listed below and you can escape the Period Monster’s evil clutches. (more…)

We couldn’t possibly pass up one of the final opportunities to make fun of “24.” With the series finale coming up next Monday, we had to get at least one more 24 Mockery segment posted.  This might be the best edition yet, as we debate who would win in a fight between Jack Bauer and two other legendary movie stars.

John: after last night’s episode, I think we need to do an old school 24 mockery
DV: haha…I think we can sum up the episode like this…action packed? yes…. retarded?… yes.
John: haha…yes. Retarded indeed
DV :  Hasn’t anyone ever heard of Youtube?
John: yeah seriously…just upload the friggin’ evidence on youtube. That’s what I was thinking.
John: I also was thinking that I want to get Jack Bauer’s lawyer.
John: you have to assume that Jack will somehow get away with shooting secret service agents and kidnapping a former president.
DV: yes… and if armor like that is all you need to be a one man army… how come everyone in the army doesn’t wear that shit?
John: seriously. Jack Bauer was like Robo Cop yesterday…with that suit Jack Bauer is officially invincible. (more…)

A lot can be learned about the life of porn stars just by following them on Twitter.  Tons of adult film stars tweet on a regular basis. After following a number of porn stars- including Jenna Haze- Just a Guy Thing has learned a thing or two about their lives. It’s an entertaining article that is definitely worth checking out.

Other Great Links:

10 Most Revealing Poker Tells Muff Slap
12 Steps to Awesomeness- Late Night Munchies Campus Socialite
A Car with Emotions Bloke Buddy
7 Reasons to Break up with a Girl COED Magazine
21 Cute Girls with Ice Cream Regretful Morning (NSFW)
3 Flametards Show Burning Ambitions The Lamest
Video Games that Every Gamer Should Play Campus Socialite
20 Ridiculously Sexy Latinas For Cinco De Mayo Regretful Morning (NSFW)

Funny Tweets (more…)

It’s time for everyone’s favorite LWB feature— Rap Lyrics Translated for White People…VOLUME THREE BABY!

If you’re not familiar, this feature is for any white person who has no clue what rappers are saying. Once again, we have footnotes to further help educate the lyrically-challenged Caucasian, but I’ve also added another feature—I’ve linked to the original song in each translation.

Jay-Z, Ludacris and 2pac are just a few of the rappers who are translated in this feature.

Enjoy…. (more…)

So I was drunk over at Don Valdez’s house this Saturday and we got bored and decided to do a podcast. It’s 30 minutes of complete nonsense. You should listen to it anyway. Among the topics discussed are 24, LOST and fantasy baseball.

Living With Balls I