Here is our third installment of 24 Mockery. This time we got a little off topic, so you’ll find it entertaining even you don’t watch 24.

DV (12:13:29 PM): Hey
John S. (12:13:37 PM): hey
DV (12:13:46 PM): so for 5 minutes during 24 last night I was like… hey you know what… this actually kind of makes sense…
DV (12:14:28 PM): then the flood gates of diarrhea opened and took the episode down the toilet
DV (12:15:07 PM): it was like watching a Mets game.
DV (12:15:45 PM): they did just enough to get your interest and then put in Scott Schoeinwiess
John S. (12:16:41 PM): haha. Good analogy
John S. (12:16:44 PM): what didn’t you like about it?
DV (12:16:57 PM): well the obvious thing is how then ended the episode
DV (12:17:31 PM): they took it right up until the crappy Sackoff (that’s how I spell it, no need to correct when editing) story.
DV (12:17:49 PM): How did she not get noticed in the strip club with them?
DV (12:18:21 PM): And can someone tell Freddy Prince Jr. to stop trying to produce a New York accent?
DV (12:18:23 PM): it’s horrible
John S. (12:18:43 PM): it sounds exactly like his Boston accent in “Summer Catch”
DV (12:18:49 PM): haha it does!
DV (12:19:04 PM): Is it ok for us to admit to watching Summer Catch?
John S. (12:19:08 PM): yeah
DV (12:19:10 PM): ok
John S. (12:19:12 PM): Jessica Biel is in it
DV (12:19:13 PM): I mean I saw it on cable.
DV (12:19:18 PM): ah that’s right
John S. (12:19:19 PM): so that makes it ok
John S. (12:19:31 PM): plus there is that scene where she gets out of the pool and her tities are all out
John S. (12:19:36 PM): that scene alone makes it ok for a guy to watch it
DV (12:19:44 PM): Ah yes. That scene is great
DV (12:19:58 PM): They should give Oscars based on that type of stuff
DV (12:20:08 PM): why don’t they have an award for best cleavage shot?
John S. (12:20:14 PM): you’re right
John S. (12:20:16 PM): good question
DV (12:20:24 PM): They should have awards for the things people really care about
DV (12:20:53 PM): Best cleave shot…
DV (12:20:59 PM): Best F-Bomb drop…
DV (12:21:27 PM): Best use of nudity in a plot
DV (12:21:59 PM): these all should count for something
John S. (12:22:27 PM): I’d like to see the Oscar committee debate best nudity
DV (12:22:43 PM): How awesome would that be?
DV (12:23:13 PM): Showgirls would have cleaned up
John S. (12:25:21 PM): showgirls definitely would have won some awards
John S. (12:25:37 PM): Jessie Spano nude…that’s a runaway winner right there
DV (12:28:29 PM): haha good point
DV (12:28:35 PM): that’s hard to argue with
DV (12:29:12 PM): Who plays Kim Bauer again?
John S. (12:29:26 PM): Elisha Cuthbert
DV (12:29:29 PM): that’s right
DV (12:29:36 PM): she could get an easy Oscar like that
John S. (12:29:46 PM): I dont think she’s ever been nude on screen though
DV (12:30:04 PM): no. she was in that movie where she played a porn star though
DV (12:30:13 PM): and it was ridiculous cause she was always wearing clothes
DV (12:30:17 PM): made it hard to believe
DV (12:30:47 PM): yes I watched it despite the fact i knew she wouldn’t be naked.
John S. (12:30:57 PM): yeah. What was that movie called again
DV (12:31:03 PM): the plot was actually compelling (more compelling than this week’s episode of 24)
John S. (12:31:05 PM): that was decent
DV (12:31:09 PM): The Girl Next Door?
John S. (12:31:11 PM): yeah that’s it
John S. (12:31:22 PM): she also a had a nice ass shot in Old School
DV (12:31:27 PM): ah yes. two ridiculous movies… and she’s fully clothed. This girl must have standards
DV (12:31:59 PM): she doesn’t belong in Hollywood.
DV (12:32:36 PM): Back to 24… they need to put some white in jack’s hair
DV (12:32:39 PM): or bring back the beard
DV (12:32:59 PM): He talks to everyone now like he’s an old man
DV (12:33:05 PM): which I actually like.. but he looks like he’s 30
DV (12:33:55 PM): what’s with everyone turning their back to people?
DV (12:34:11 PM): there were two specific instances in which people turned their back in a stupid spot
DV (12:34:55 PM): Jack after he tried to spring Rennee
DV (12:35:01 PM): then he gets tazed
DV (12:35:21 PM): the dude was holding a gun on him and he punched him in the face like a minute ago
DV (12:35:29 PM): of course he’s going to hit you with your back turned
DV (12:35:39 PM): and Ortiz walking away from the van
DV (12:35:43 PM): are you retarded
DV (12:35:49 PM): they had a shot gun laying in the van
John S. (12:35:50 PM): good point
DV (12:35:53 PM): they clearly have more guns
John S. (12:35:54 PM): I was thinking that too
John S. (12:36:14 PM): if I just walked away from a van with a couple criminals, I’d be a little more on edge
DV (12:36:41 PM): is everyone taking crazy pills?
DV (12:36:57 PM): Right? Wouldn’t you back away from the van?
DV (12:37:00 PM): keeping the gun drawn
John S. (12:37:42 PM): yeah that’s what I would have done
John S. (12:37:51 PM): but that probably wouldn’t have made as good television
DV (12:38:00 PM): sure it would have
DV (12:38:20 PM): it would have produced the same outcome
DV (12:38:52 PM): Ortiz would have shot him first
John S. (12:38:57 PM): well yes but it wouldn’t have been as dramatic
DV (12:39:01 PM): sure it would have. Why not?
John S. (12:39:13 PM): because Freddy would have seen him coming and shot him on the spot
DV (12:39:43 PM): well yeah ok.. so Fake Leonardo DiCaprio wouldn’t have crawled out of the van and yelled to warn them
DV (12:40:20 PM): what the hell was that we had to give the character a redeeming quality cause he’s fake Leonardo Dicaprio
DV (12:40:26 PM): what was that crap?
DV (12:40:42 PM): also, I believe he got stabbed in the stomach in the same place jack was
DV (12:41:12 PM): and he’s probably in his 30’s instead of 60’s
DV (12:41:47 PM): I mean what a pussy. Jack’s 60 years old he takes a knife to the stomach no problem… this guy? Has to crawl out of the van
John S. (12:41:52 PM): yeah…he did get stabbed in the same spot
John S. (12:42:05 PM): and since then Jack has taken a shot gun blast to the arm and been tazed
DV (12:42:23 PM): you could argue that this dude twisted the knife into Fake Leo’s diaphragm… but I’m going to stick with my story
DV (12:42:45 PM): we should keep a tally on Jack’s health
DV (12:42:54 PM): how much does that swing his health meter down?
DV (12:43:26 PM): or does it not matter cause it’s a new episode next week and his health meter resets?
John S. (12:43:40 PM): I think his health meter has reset
John S. (12:45:48 PM): all he needs is 15 minutes
John S. (12:45:51 PM): it’s like playing call of duty
John S. (12:45:59 PM): you just hide for a few seconds and your health recovers
DV (12:46:37 PM): amazing
DV (12:47:05 PM): I’ve told you my theory how 24 was basing their action on Metal Gear Solid right?
John S. (12:47:11 PM): haha yes
DV (12:47:22 PM): season 4 it was so obvious
John S. (12:47:29 PM): just suture it up and you’re good
DV (12:47:37 PM): brilliant
DV (12:47:42 PM): ok I need to eat something.
John S. (12:47:45 PM): ok
DV (12:48:08 PM): I’m thinking Street Cart.
DV (12:48:16 PM): yeah…
John S. (12:48:16 PM): go for it
DV (12:48:38 PM): that messes with my stomach sometimes though
DV (12:48:59 PM): it will be like last night’s 24 episode
DV (12:49:03 PM): 5 minutes of good stuff
DV (12:49:17 PM): then a 35 minute crap fest

More criticism from IGN here: http://tv.ign.com/articles/107/1071523p1.html