If you’re not familiar, this feature is for any white person who has no clue what rappers are saying. Once again, we have footnotes to further help educate the lyrically-challenged Caucasian, but I’ve also added another feature—I’ve linked to the original song in each translation.

Jay-Z, Ludacris and 2pac are just a few of the rappers who are translated in this feature.

Enjoy….






Big L- Danger Zone
I keep a cutie with a soft booty, hoes be runnin up
“Can I get your autograph L?” No bitch, I’m off duty
I’m breakin hottie hearts, n-ggaz drop when my shotty sparks
It ain’t no food in my fridge; just body parts
I keep the gear fresh, I keep the braids rugged
I never wear rubbers bitch, if I get AIDS, fuck it!
A beef with me, you better prevent it cause in a minute
I’ll jump out a tenant rented, and leave a n-gga body dented
And my swoll knob your main girl cold slobbed
and gave a blow job to my whole mob, with no prob’
Aiyyo crazy bitches slept with L
Then they n-ggaz got mad and tried to step to L
But I’m sicker than a n-gga that’s in special ed so I suggest
you spread pretzelhead, ‘fore I turn your white sweatsuit red

White Translation
I like to sleep with a woman with a soft butt
Promiscuous women come up to me on the street
They ask me for my autograph. I say no.
I break a lot of women’s hearts. People die when I shoot my shotgun
There is no food in my fridge, just body parts from all the people I’ve murdered
I wear the best clothes. The braids in my hair are AWESOME
I always have unprotected sex. If I get AIDS—OH WELL!
You better not get into an argument with me cause I quickly
Will jump out and shoot you dead
And your girlfriend performed oral sex on me
And she also gave all my friends blow jobs too. It wasn’t much of a challenge for her
A LOT of women have had sex with me
All these guys are jealous of all the women I’ve had relations with. So they tried to fight me
But I’m crazier than someone who is mentally retarded
So I suggest you spread your arms against the wall and let me rob you before I shoot you dead.

Fabolous- Young’n (Holla Back)
Cruisin top on the Mercedes low
Turn us up when you hear this on the radio
Blastin with the nineteen eighty flow
Make the necks on the ladies go (wooo wooop)
Holla that’s what a pretty thug will do
Hit Branson get a fifty jug or two
Ya’ll throwin on them gritty mugs for who
Like ya’ll don’t know what fifty slugs will do
Hatin I just bought the bulls
I put ya’ll in the front page articles
I got em lookin at the billboard charts confused
And I still freestyle to start the Clue’s
Reppin I’m that kid about the doe
I done copped coke and started droughts before
Shit Platinum out the door
Now I drop the top down just to shout to hoes

White Translation
I’m driving in my Mercedes convertible with the top down
When you hear my music on the radio, you should make the volume louder
I make women turn their heads
That what a good looking black male from the ghetto will do
I’m gonna go buy some alcohol
You guys look like you are jealous of me
Like you don’t know that I can kill you
You are jealous because I bought the Bulls
I’ll kill you and you’ll be on the front page of the newspaper
You’ll be looking at the music charts wondering why I’m at the top
And I still perform on DJ Clue’s beats [1]
I’m all about money
I sold A LOT of cocaine back in the day
I have lots of platinum jewelry
Now I lower the top of my convertible so I can spot promiscuous women easier

Jay-Z I Just Want to Love Ya (Give it to Me)
When the Remi’s in the system, ain’t no tellin
Will I fuck ‘em will I diss ‘em, that’s what they be yellin
I’m a pimp by blood, not relation
Y’all be chasin, I replace them, huh?
Drunk off Crist’, mami on E
Can’t keep her little model hands off me
Both in the club, high, singing off key
“And I wish I never met her at all…”
It gets better, ordered another round
It’s, about, to go, down
Got six model chicks, six bottles of Crist’
Four Belvederes, got weed everywhere
What do you say, me, you, and your Chloe glasses
Go somewhere private where we can discuss fashion
Like, Prada blouse, Gucci bra
Filth Mart jeans, take that off

White Translation
When I’m drinking cognac there’s no telling what I’ll do
Will I have sex with a girl or will I turn her down?
I was born to sleep with lots of women
You keep chasing women, I just replace women
I’m drunk off expensive champagne. This girl next to me is on Ecstasy
She’s a super model and she keeps touching me. I enjoy this
We are both in the club singing to the music…but we’re off key
Singing that song with the chorus “I wish I never met her at all” [2]
It gets better. Let’s order some more drinks
More good stuff is about to happen
I have six super models and six bottles of champagne by my side
Four bottles of vodka, There is plenty of marijuana also
How about me and you, with your designer sunglasses
Go to my place so we can have sex
Take off all your expensive clothes

T.I-24’s [3]
In a drop top chevy with the roof wide open
My partners looking at me to see if my eyes open
Cause I’ve been drankin, and I’ve been smokin
And flying down 285 but I’m focused
It’s a four fifty four SS, I race Porches
White leather seats, as fresh as air forces
Doing ’bout a hundred but the track still bumping
Number 8 on NWA straight out of Compton
Pull up at your apartment sitting on 20 something
And the dope boys hollin’ the kids running in
The clicks start dancing and the broads start choosing
And the cars been parked but the rims keep moving
Sign pictures by the hundred, to the youngins in the hood
Cause I ain’t Hollywood, I come from the hood I’m use to it,
If your rear view shaking and your seats vibrating
24 inch jays got the Chevrolet shaking

White Translation
I’m driving in a Chevrolet convertible
My buddy checks to see if I’m asleep at the wheel
Because I’m drunk and high
And I’m driving way to fast on the highway, but don’t worry, I’m paying really close attention
My Chevy is really fast. I can even beat Porches
I have white leather seats. They are pretty nice, just like Nike sneakers
Driving about 100 mph but my music is still loud
I’m listening to NWA’s “Straight Outta Compton”
I pull up at your apartment. My rims are 20 inches or more
All the boys are taking notice of me coming inside
There are people dancing and the women are looking for guys to dance with
My car is parked outside but the rims continue to move even after the car stops
I’m really famous. I sign a lot of autographs to all the young kids in bad neighborhoods
I’m not from Hollywood. I’m from the ghetto
If your rear view mirror is shaking and your seats vibrating, that means I pulled up next to you and my music is entirely too loud
Remember when I said I had 20 inch rims a few lines ago? I lied. They are actually 24 inches. Check out my Chevrolet. It’s shaking

2pac- I Get Around
All respect to those who break their neck to keep their hoes in check
Cause oh they sweat a brother majorly
And I don’t know why, your girl keeps paging me
She tell me that she needs me, cries when she leaves me
And every time she sees me, she squeeze me, lady take it easy!
Hate to sound sleazy, but tease me, I don’t want it if it’s that easy
Ayo bust it, baby got a problem saying bye bye
Just another hazard of a fly guy
You ask why, don’t matter, my pockets got fatter
Now everybody’s looking for the latter
And ain’t no need in being greedy
If you wanna see me dial the beeper number baby when you need me
And I’ll be there in a jiffy
Don’t be picky, just be happy with this quickie
But when you learn, you can’t tie me down
Baby doll, check it out, I get around

White Translation
I have great respect for guys who keep all their slutty women in line
Because these whores like me A LOT
And I’m not really sure why but your girlfriend keeps paging me [4]
She says she needs me and gets upset when I leave
Every time she sees me, she wants to hug me. Take it easy girl!
I don’t want to sound sleazy but I like it when you play hard to get
You have a problem leaving me
This is one of several problems good looking and charming men have
It doesn’t matter. I have lots of money!
Everyone wants my money
Don’t be greedy
If you want to have sex with me. Just page me
I’ll be there quickly
Don’t get upset if I don’t give you foreplay. I only have time for a quickie
I can’t be tied down to just one woman
Baby, listen…I have sex with lots of different women.

Ludacris- Stand Up
How you ain’t gon’ FUCK! Bitch I’m me?
I’m the GOD DAMN reason you in VIP
CEO you don’t have to see ID
I’m young, wild, and strapped like Chi-Ali
BLAOW! We ain’t got nothing to worry about
Whoop ass, let security carry em out
Watch out for the medallion my diamonds are wreckless
Feels like a MIDGET is hanging from my neckless
I pulled up wit a million trucks
Looking, smelling, feeling like a million bucks-ahh!
Pass the bottles, the heat is on
We in the huddle all smoking that Cheech & Chong
What’s wrong?! The club and moon is full
And I’m lookin for a THICK young lady to pull
One sure shot way to get em outta them pants
Take note to the brand new dance, like this

White Translation
What do you mean you aren’t going to sleep with me? Don’t you know I’m a famous rapper?
The only reason you are in VIP is because I thought I might be able to have sex with you tonight
I run this place. You don’t need to see my ID
I’m young, crazy and I carry guns like that rapper from Black Sheep [5]
There’s nothing to worry about
We’ll beat up some guys and let security escort them out of the club
Check out my necklace. It has a lot of diamonds in it
It is so big it makes me feel like a midget when I wear it
I pulled up to the club with a large entourage
I look and smell really good
Pass the bottles of alcohol. The club is packed and the moon is full
And I’m looking to have sex with a woman with a large backside
I have an easy way to get them to have sex with me
I try out this brand new dance. It goes something like this…

Footnotes
1-A popular DJ who makes the tracks for a number of rap songs
2- They are referring the song “I wish” by Carl Thomas
3-Yes. Someone actually wrote a song about rims
4. This song was written in the early 90’s before cell phones became popular. Ironically, this video features the Zack Morris cell phone. Tupac is flaunting it around like it’s cool to have the Zack Morris cell phone. I guess it was at the time but now it’s just kind of funny to look at.
5- Chi-Ali was a rapper in the early 90’s for the group black-sheep. He killed a man in an argument and is serving a 14-year prison sentence for manslaughter

Related posts:

1. Rap Lyrics Translated for White People
2. Rap Lyrics Translated for White People Vol II
3. Worst to First: Tupac Shakur

In the world of relationships, make no mistake about, Women run shit. Men just live here.   Most men claim to wear the pants but in actuality all women control the relationship. 

Despite the best efforts of women, we are still a male-dominated society.  Women still make less money than men on average, males hold more high-level jobs and women are continually portrayed as sex objects on television. (For the record, I’m not saying this is how it should be, these are just facts).

However, once the man enters a long-term relationship, those inequities no longer apply because women hold the one key that tips the relationship scale in their favor…THE VAGINA. Despite the best efforts of George Constanza and other men, we have no upper hand, because if we do anything wrong, the woman will withhold entry to the best place on Earth.  For this reason, men always have to make a conscious effort to be on their best behavior.

In most cases, women can withhold from sex longer than men. That’s why it’s always important to keep the woman happy.  You don’t want to get shut out for weeks at a time because you said she looks fat in the new dress she bought.  A woman will breeze through weeks of abstinence, while you struggle to get through a day without rubbing one out. 

Why else would a grown man ask his girl or wife permission to hang out with his buddies, or allow woman to decorate his home with scented candles and pink bath towels?  Why else would we sit through chick flicks and episodes of Say Yes to the Dress? (I’m not saying I do these things, just men in general. Ok, maybe some of the time). We want to keep the woman happy at all times.  Unfortunately this is a battle we usually lose.

I’ve seen it happen time and time again: Men succumbing to the endless needs of women.  It’s kind of sad but I know I am guilty of it too.  In my relationship, the scales are tipped way in her favor because she also cooks.  Food often times holds greater weight than sex.  I’ve gone long periods of time in my life without sex before. That’s not that unusual for me.  Food is the true way to a man’s heart.  So if I want to eat or have sex, I really need to be on my best behavior, otherwise its TV dinners and blue balls for me.    

So you can deny it all you want men, but the truth is King Kong ain’t got SHIT on Vagina…and sometimes food.

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10. Tropic Thunder (2008)
Robert Downey Jr playing a black guy? That concept alone makes this film great. Then I saw how well he pulled it off. Jack Black and Tom Cruise do a phenomenal job as well. No disrespect to the late Heath Ledger, but Robert Downey Jr. should have won best supporting actor for his performance.
Robert Downey Jr. talks about his role

9. American Pie 2 (2001)
This movie was just as good as the original, if not better.  As usual, there were a number of memorable, outrageous scenes from Stifler, Jim and the rest of the crew. 
Best Stifler Moments

8.The Hangover (2009)
This is the most recent movie to make the list and the only one on here I haven’t watched several times. Once it gets to HBO, I’ll be sure to watch it over and over. The scene where they wake up the morning after is hysterical.
The morning after scene

7.  Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle (2004)
I knew this would be a classic comedy once I saw the scene where Harold and Kumar pick up a hitchhiking Doogie Howser on ecstasy.  That scene alone makes it one of the funniest movies of the decade.
Doogie Howser Scene

6. Superbad (2007)
This is a hilarious movie that catapulted Jonah Hill into stardom. What I love about this movie is that it portrays the awkwardness of being a teenager so well.  Jonah Hill finds some creative new ways to describe having sex in this flick also.  My goal is to be the iron chef of pounding vag.
Great Superbad clips

5. Old School (2003)
This comedy has it all: Frank the Tank, the foul-mouthed wedding singer, Blue, and a great shot of Elisha Cuthbert’s ass in booty shorts.  It’s a classic comedy. 
I think this is pretty much everyone’s favorite Old School scene.

4. Borat (2006)
Sascha Baron Cohen should have gotten the Academy Award for Best Actor for this movie.  I don’t know how he was able to stay in character so well. The movie’s humor is based on its shock value, so it loses its luster after watching it a couple times. However, I can’t remember laughing harder at a movie the first time I saw it.
I couldn’t find many clips online. This is the funniest clip I could find. 

3. Wedding Crashers (2005)
I pretty much enjoy every Vince Vaughn movie. I also enjoy almost every Owen Wilson film. Putting them together is a great formula for non-stop laughter. Both were great in this movie, however it was Will Ferrell’s five minute appearance that stole the show.  

2. 40 Year Old Virgin (2005)
This is a close second to the funniest movies of the decade. Steve Carell plays this role of an awkward, sexually confused 40-year old so well. There are so many great scenes and lines from this movie that they had to cut a number of great parts out. The extended movie on DVD has so many other awesome scenes that never made it past the cutting room floor.
Funniest 40-Year Old Virgin Scene

1. Anchorman (2004)
Anchorman tops the list of the funniest movies of the decade. This is, by far, Will Ferrell’s best movie.  The movie is chock-full of great one-liners, many of which have become mainstream in pop-culture.  It’s so difficult to pick my favorite scene because there are so many….but here it is.
My favorite Anchorman Clip (extended version)

Honorable Mention Movies: Meet the Parents, You, Me and Dupree, Little Miss Sunshine, Zoolander, Knocked Up, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Idiocracy

What was your favorite movie? Agree with the list? Disagree. Comment about it!

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As the director, James Toback said in the commentary, if someone were to make a fictional story about Tyson’s life, it would be hard to believe. I quickly understood what he meant as I watched this film.

Tyson has done some really awful, terrible things in his life. There’s been rape convictions, fights with reporters, ear-biting incidents, drug and alcohol abuse and numerous other heinous acts. However as you watch the film, Tyson becomes more and more of a sympathetic figure. He goes into detail of his troubled life as a child in one of the worst neighborhoods in Brooklyn. He discusses all the people who have used him and betrayed him and you begin to realize why he acted that way. You start to feel sorry for him.

When you hear Tyson speak it’s apparent he truly regrets his actions in the past and is at peace with himself today. He seems content with his life these days and you realize that despite all the terrible things he did, there is plenty of good in him.

This is a truly fascinating documentary for any sports fan and I highly recommend you put it at the top of your Netflix queue or purchase the DVD.

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My “O” Face: Drew is in this movie for no more than two minutes but delivers one of the best lines of the movie.

 

The Bobs: Two of my favorite lines are from this scene:

Peter Gibbons: “It’s not that I’m lazy, it’s that I just don’t care
Bob: I’ll be honest with you, I love his music. I do. I’m a Michael Bolton fan. For my money, I don’t know if it gets any better than when he sings “When a Man Loves a Woman”.

Opening Traffic Scene:Nerdy Michael Bolton jams out to a Scarface tune, then stops suddenly when he sees a black guy coming his way.

Tom Smykowski, Jump to Conclusions Mat: Peter Gibbons pretends to be interested when Smykowski tells everyone his million dollar idea.

“Damn it Feels Good to be a Gangsta” and “Down for Whatever” montages:
Two great scenes played to gangsta rap (could only find one online)

Fax Machine: Probably the best scene in the movie. Michael Bolton, Samir and Peter take out their frustration on the fax machine on their last day of work.


Other great scenes I couldn’t find video for

Lawrence says what he’d do if he had a million dollars:


“I’ll tell you what I’d do man… two chicks at the same time man”… and if I think if I were a millionare I could hook that up.

Milton rambling about his desk and squirrels:

“And I said, I don’t care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I’m, I’m quitting, I’m going to quit. And, and I told Don too, because they’ve moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were married, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn’t bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it’s not okay because if they take my stapler then I’ll set the building on fire”

Peter sees the Psychologist:

“So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that’s on the worst day of my life.”

Have any others? Be sure to comment about it!

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