After nearly a year lay-off from his LWB debut, Oobstastic is back…

Just finished watching the Social Network…

When the trailer was out, I thought this was bound to suck. I continued to believe this until my Dad saw it and told me how good it was.

I asked him, “Dad, what makes it so good? Isn’t it just about a stupid goddamned website?”

“No, son”, he said. “It is an exploration of the dynamism inherent in American society, as well as an assessment of the permanence of traditional class structures.”

He did not actually say this. That was my interpretation. What he actually said was: “You’ll laugh when you see what a bunch of useless assholes those Winklevoss twins are.”

So what about the socio-cultural analysis? It’s in there. The film, and by extension the real-life story, features the same sorts of fascinating characters that F. Scott Fitzgerald or Tolstoy might have invented.

Let’s start with the lawyers. The actual vehicle for conveying the plot is a series of deposition hearings which take place in fancy, wood-paneled law offices. Not only was this a clever move from a screenwriting perspective, but it served to immediately impress upon the viewer what worthless tools litigators can be (sorry, litigators).

The partners are old, vaguely unattractive, pedantic, condescending – and most importantly, an accessory to the plot. They don’t make anything happen. They simply:

• Piss off Mark Zuckerberg,
• Insult the Spanish guy with the slick hair, making him weep
• Walk through 1^st grade math ($18,000 plus $1,000 equals $19,000)
• Presumably make $1M each year in salary for performing these rudimentary tasks

Next are the Winklevoss twins. I actually enjoyed watching these guys enormously, as they reminded me of 50% of the people I knew in college. They have a gargantuan sense of entitlement, have an outsized opinion of their own intelligence and cleverness, and wear Brooks Brothers all the time.

They represent privilege, money, the Hamptons, secret societies, and Olympic rowing.

The Winklevoss twins are hilarious because they expected to make millions of dollars off the hard work of Zuckerberg; lacking the practical skills (programming) or vision to make any of it happen themselves.

The Winklevoss twins are also frightening, because they did make millions of dollars off of Zuckerberg’s hard work ($65M), and because all over the globe people like the Winklevosses currently make money off of creative, hard-working people simply because they have better access to capital, good lawyers, expensive loafers, etc.

Next is Zuckerberg himself. He is the sun, and the rest of the cast are planets orbiting around him. No matter how old and educated (the lawyers), wealthy and privileged (Winklevosses) or good natured (Spanish kid) these people might be, they all succumb to the will of Zuckerberg and no one can resist his gravitational pull.

He is like Julius Caesar or George Patton or Mussolini; men that change the course of history while nursing massive character defects and feeling empty inside.

You leave the movie respecting Zuckerberg, but not liking him, and certainly not wanting to be him. So what is the moral of this story? Does Aaron Sorkin leave us with any message?

He most certainly does.

The lesson to take away is that Sean Parker (played by Justin Timberlake) is the most well-adjusted, most admirable, most sympathetic character in the whole film.

Please note that this is not Sean Fanning (the creator of Napster) as we are led to believe, but one of Fanning’s associates who really did travel from dance club to dance club and dot com to dot com wreaking havoc along the way.

Parker is likeable. He makes friends easily. He has no trouble sleeping with women or getting them to come over his house to play Halo and take bong hits.

He is skilled at organization and management, immediately recognizing and reinforcing the value of Facebook’s work culture.  He understands the importance of geography, moving the operations to Palo Alto. He correctly judges the need to secure financing, and dramatically expands the company’s asset base by brokering deals with VC investors. And he recognizes the need to reward employees for their hard work, by planning an awesome party when Facebook hits one million members.

Sure, he gets caught sniffing some coke with interns at the end of the film. Who among us is truly fit to judge?

At the end of the day, Parker has it all – he retains 7% of the company (worth about one billion dollars), he’s smart, he has friends, and he knows how to party.

Lesson learned. Now let’s immediately start planning how we can follow in his illustrious footsteps…

In the world of relationships, make no mistake about, Women run shit. Men just live here. Most men claim to wear the pants but in actuality all women control the relationship.

Despite the best efforts of women, we are still a male-dominated society.  Women still make less money than men on average, males hold more high-level jobs and women are continually portrayed as sex objects on television. (For the record, I’m not saying this is how it should be, these are just facts).

However, once the man enters a long-term relationship, those inequities no longer apply because women hold the one key that tips the relationship scale in their favor…THE VAGINA. Despite the best efforts of George Constanza and other men, we have no upper hand, because if we do anything wrong, the woman will withhold entry to the best place on Earth.  For this reason, men always have to make a conscious effort to be on their best behavior.

In most cases, women can withhold from sex longer than men. That’s why it’s always important to keep the woman happy.  You don’t want to get shut out for weeks at a time because you said she looks fat in the new dress she bought.  A woman will breeze through weeks of abstinence, while you struggle to get through a day without rubbing one out.

Why else would a grown man ask his girl or wife permission to hang out with his buddies, or allow woman to decorate his home with scented candles and pink bath towels?  Why else would we sit through chick flicks and episodes of Say Yes to the Dress? (I’m not saying I do these things, just men in general. Ok, maybe some of the time). We want to keep the woman happy at all times. Unfortunately this is a battle we usually lose.

I’ve seen it happen time and time again: Men succumbing to the endless needs of women.  It’s kind of sad but I know I am guilty of it too.  In my relationship, the scales are tipped way in her favor because she also cooks.  Food often times holds greater weight than sex.  I’ve gone long periods of time in my life without sex before. That’s not that unusual for me.  Food is the true way to a man’s heart.  So if I want to eat or have sex, I really need to be on my best behavior, otherwise its TV dinners and blue balls for me.

So you can deny it all you want men, but the truth is King Kong ain’t got SHIT on Vagina…and sometimes food.

10. Tropic Thunder (2008)
Robert Downey Jr playing a black guy? That concept alone makes this film great. Then I saw how well he pulled it off. Jack Black and Tom Cruise do a phenomenal job as well. No disrespect to the late Heath Ledger, but Robert Downey Jr. should have won best supporting actor for his performance.
Robert Downey Jr. talks about his role

9. American Pie 2 (2001)
This movie was just as good as the original, if not better.  As usual, there were a number of memorable, outrageous scenes from Stifler, Jim and the rest of the crew.
Best Stifler Moments

8.The Hangover (2009)
This is the most recent movie to make the list and the only one on here I haven’t watched several times. Once it gets to HBO, I’ll be sure to watch it over and over. The scene where they wake up the morning after is hysterical.
The morning after scene

7.  Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle (2004)
I knew this would be a classic comedy once I saw the scene where Harold and Kumar pick up a hitchhiking Doogie Howser on ecstasy.  That scene alone makes it one of the funniest movies of the decade.
Doogie Howser Scene

6. Superbad (2007)
This is a hilarious movie that catapulted Jonah Hill into stardom. What I love about this movie is that it portrays the awkwardness of being a teenager so well.  Jonah Hill finds some creative new ways to describe having sex in this flick also.  My goal is to be the iron chef of pounding vag.
Great Superbad clips

5. Old School (2003)
This comedy has it all: Frank the Tank, the foul-mouthed wedding singer, Blue, and a great shot of Elisha Cuthbert’s ass in booty shorts.  It’s a classic comedy.
I think this is pretty much everyone’s favorite Old School scene.

4. Borat (2006)
Sascha Baron Cohen should have gotten the Academy Award for Best Actor for this movie.  I don’t know how he was able to stay in character so well. The movie’s humor is based on its shock value, so it loses its luster after watching it a couple times. However, I can’t remember laughing harder at a movie the first time I saw it.
I couldn’t find many clips online. This is the funniest clip I could find.

3. Wedding Crashers (2005)
I pretty much enjoy every Vince Vaughn movie. I also enjoy almost every Owen Wilson film. Putting them together is a great formula for non-stop laughter. Both were great in this movie, however it was Will Ferrell’s five minute appearance that stole the show.

2. 40 Year Old Virgin (2005)
This is a close second to the funniest movies of the decade. Steve Carell plays this role of an awkward, sexually confused 40-year old so well. There are so many great scenes and lines from this movie that they had to cut a number of great parts out. The extended movie on DVD has so many other awesome scenes that never made it past the cutting room floor.
Funniest 40-Year Old Virgin Scene

1. Anchorman (2004)
Anchorman tops the list of the funniest movies of the decade. This is, by far, Will Ferrell’s best movie.  The movie is chock-full of great one-liners, many of which have become mainstream in pop-culture.  It’s so difficult to pick my favorite scene because there are so many….but here it is.
My favorite Anchorman Clip (extended version)

Honorable Mention Movies: Meet the Parents, You, Me and Dupree, Little Miss Sunshine, Zoolander, Knocked Up, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Idiocracy

What was your favorite movie? Agree with the list? Disagree. Comment about it!

As the director, James Toback said in the commentary, if someone were to make a fictional story about Tyson’s life, it would be hard to believe. I quickly understood what he meant as I watched this film.

Tyson has done some really awful, terrible things in his life. There’s been rape convictions, fights with reporters, ear-biting incidents, drug and alcohol abuse and numerous other heinous acts. However as you watch the film, Tyson becomes more and more of a sympathetic figure. He goes into detail of his troubled life as a child in one of the worst neighborhoods in Brooklyn. He discusses all the people who have used him and betrayed him and you begin to realize why he acted that way. You start to feel sorry for him.

When you hear Tyson speak it’s apparent he truly regrets his actions in the past and is at peace with himself today. He seems content with his life these days and you realize that despite all the terrible things he did, there is plenty of good in him.

This is a truly fascinating documentary for any sports fan and I highly recommend you put it at the top of your Netflix queue or purchase the DVD.

My “O” Face: Drew is in this movie for no more than two minutes but delivers one of the best lines of the movie.

The Bobs: Two of my favorite lines are from this scene:

Peter Gibbons: “It’s not that I’m lazy, it’s that I just don’t care
Bob: I’ll be honest with you, I love his music. I do. I’m a Michael Bolton fan. For my money, I don’t know if it gets any better than when he sings “When a Man Loves a Woman”.

Opening Traffic Scene:Nerdy Michael Bolton jams out to a Scarface tune, then stops suddenly when he sees a black guy coming his way.

Tom Smykowski, Jump to Conclusions Mat: Peter Gibbons pretends to be interested when Smykowski tells everyone his million dollar idea.

“Damn it Feels Good to be a Gangsta” and “Down for Whatever” montages:
Two great scenes played to gangsta rap (could only find one online)

Fax Machine: Probably the best scene in the movie. Michael Bolton, Samir and Peter take out their frustration on the fax machine on their last day of work.

Other great scenes I couldn’t find video for

Lawrence says what he’d do if he had a million dollars:

“I’ll tell you what I’d do man… two chicks at the same time man”… and if I think if I were a millionare I could hook that up.

Milton rambling about his desk and squirrels:

“And I said, I don’t care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I’m, I’m quitting, I’m going to quit. And, and I told Don too, because they’ve moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were married, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn’t bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it’s not okay because if they take my stapler then I’ll set the building on fire”

Peter sees the Psychologist:

“So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that’s on the worst day of my life.”

Have any others? Be sure to comment about it!