Nelly feat. Paul Wall-Grillz
Got 30 down at the bottom, 30 mo at the top
All invisible set wit little ice cube blocks
If I could call it a drink, call it a smile on da rocks
If I could call out a price, lets say I call out a lot
I got like platinum and white gold, traditional gold
I’m changin grillz errday, like Jay change clothes [1],
I might be grilled out nicely (oh) In my white tee (oh),
Or on South Beach (oh) in my wife b.
V V and studded you can tell when they cut it
see my granmama hate it, but my lil mama love it

White Translation
I have a set of gold/ platinum encasings that I cover my teeth with. I have 30 on the bottom and 30 on the top
They have diamonds in them
My diamonds shine when I smile
They are expensive
I have many different types of precious metals on these grills
I put different ones on every day. Which is a lot.
I could be wearing these grills with a plain white t-shirt
Or I could be wearing them in Miami with a tank-top undershirt. I haven’t decided yet.
My grandmother does not approve but the girl I am currently having sexual relations with likes them.

Birdman-Get Your Shine On
Loud pipes and big rims, n-gga that’s my life
Come through the neighborhood with my homeboy price
Lets get it understood, n-gga thats my price
Come through the neck of the woods, you be alright
Cause I’m pimpin, I’m pimpin pimpin, I’m comin thru
And I’m dippin, I’m dippin dippin, them 22s
And they spinnin, they spinnin spinnin, them sprewells [2] n-gga
them sprewells n-gga, we makin mill n-gga

White Translation
My life revolves around loud music and big rims on my car
Don’t mess with my rims and you’ll be fine
Because I’m really, really cool and awesome.
I’m driving through your neighborhood
My car is very low to the ground and my tires have 22-inch rims
These rims are really cool. They keep spinning even when the car comes to a stop.
I love these types of rims. We are making millions of dollars from this rap music, friend.

Nelly, featuring Kyjuan, Ali, and Murphy Lee- Air Force Ones [3]
I like the limited edition, the khaki and army green
Patent leather pin stripe, you should see how I do the strings
Size twelve with the strap, red and white with a Cardinal cap
All flavors, well it just depend on when and where I am at

We up in Footlocker, I’m looking like I need those
Ten and a half and if you got em give me two of those
I can tell she never seen Murphy Lee before
cause she’s just standing there as if I’m shooting free throws
I said excuse me miss I only wanna buy shoes
she said I love you Murph especially in the white and blue
I said the white in blue sound nice make it twice
and I signed an autograph
“thanks for the advice”

White Translation
I like khaki and army green colors on my Nike sneakers
They have leather and pinstripes. You should see how I tie my shoelaces
I wear a size 12. It has a strap on it. The red and whites sneakers go well with my St. Louis Cardinals cap.
I really like them all. It depends on my mood.

I’m in Foot Locker and I really want some Nike Air Force One sneakers
I wear a ten and a half. I’ll take two please!
I can tell the woman working there has never heard of an obscure rapper before whose only claim to fame is a song about sneakers
She’s standing there and not rushing to help me
I told her I want shoes
She said, you look good in the white and blues
So I said, Thanks. I’ll take two please!
Then I gave her an autograph to show her my appreciation

Lil’ Wayne-Police Officer
Doing a buck in my latest drop
I got stopped by a lady cop
Ha Ha… she got me thinking I can date a cop
Ha Ha… cause her uniform pants are so tight
She read me my rights
She put me in the car, she cut off all the lights
She said I had the right to remain silent
Now I got her hollering sounding like a siren
And I know she the law, and she know I’m the boss
And she know I get high!! a-bove the law
And she know I’m raw, she know it from the street
And all she want me to do is fuck the police [4]

White Translation
I was driving 100 mph in my new car
When I got pulled over by a female police officer for speeding
Her pants are very tight. I like a nice ass and she has me wondering what it would be like to fuck her
She read me my rights
She put me in the car and shut the lights off
She said I should shut up while we have sex in her police car
Now I have her screaming with pleasure
She’s the law but I’m in charge here
She knows because I’m famous that I am above the law. I smoke weed and that doesn’t bother her.
She also knows that I’m a tough guy because I come from a rough area
She wants me to have sex with her

Soulja Boy-Crank Dat Soulja Boy

Soulja boy off in this hoe
Watch me crank it
Watch me roll
Watch me crank that soulja boy
Then super man that hoe

Soulja boy off in this hoe
Watch me lean and watch me rock
Super man that hoe
Then watch me crank that Robocop
Super fresh, now watch me jock
Jocking on them haters man
When I do that soulja boy
I lean to the left and crank that thang
I’m jocking on your bitch ass
And if we get the fighting
Then I’m cocking on your bitch ass
You catch me at your local party
Yes I crank it everyday
Haters getting mad cause
I got me some bathing apes

White Translation [5]
Soulja Boy is having sex with a woman
Right before he orgasms, he will pull out and ejaculate all over this woman’s backside
Then he will put a bed sheet over her so it sticks to her back and she has a cape like Superman

Some more lines about having sex with promiscuous women and then ejaculating all over them
Sometimes he leans to the left before he does it.
If he gets into a fight with someone he will kill said individual
You can find Soulja Boy at any local party
He has sex every day
And jealous people get mad because he has nice sneakers and they don’t.

1. Nelly is making a reference to the Jay-Z song “Change Clothes,” which was on the 2003 album titled The Black Album. Nelly is using clever wordplay to describe how often he changes his grills.
2. Sprewells are a type of rim that continues to spin once the car is stopped. It was popularized by former NBA player Latrell Spreewell; hence the constant reference to Sprewells.
3. A brand of Nike sneakers that Nelly loved so much he devoted an entire song to them.
4. A pun, referencing the iconic N.W.A song “Fuck the Police,” while also describing having sex with a police officer.
5. I’m sorry, I was trying to impress you. I don’t know what this song means. I’ll be honest, I don’t think anyone knows what it means anymore. Scholars maintain that the translation was lost hundreds of years ago.

By translating his lyrics in a way that white people can understand them. Yup, it’s time for special edition of Rap Lyrics Translated for White People!

This edition features songs where Nate Dogg is featured. The translated lyrics are from an artist who appeared in a Nate Dogg song or from Nate Dogg himself.

Lay Low- Snoop Dogg featuring Nate Dogg

Nate Dogg Verse
For the n-gga who be talkin loud and holdin his dick
Talkin shit, he better LAY LOW
For the bitch that said I shot some shit up out of my dick
Now she sick, she better LAY LOW
For the n-ggaz who be claimin my hood
and really ain’t from my gang, better LAY LOW
I hope he don’t be thinkin I’m just talkin
and I won’t do a thing, really HOPE SO!

White Translation
Here’s a message for the loud mouth person who tries to be a tough guy around me
You better keep a low profile. We are looking for you and will try to kill you.
And for the women who claims I gave her a sexually transmitted disease
She better keep a low profile too
The guy who says he is from my neighborhood even though he does not associate with any of my friends
He better keep a low profile. We are looking for him also.
I hope he thinks we are bluffing.
I truly hope so. This will make it more enjoyable for me to murder him.

Shake that Ass- Eminem featuring Nate Dogg

Nate Dogg Verse
Two to the one from the one to the three
I like good pussy and I like good trees
Smoke so much weed you wouldn’t believe
And I get more ass than a toilet seat
Three to the one from the one to the three
I met a bad bitch last night in the D
Let me tell you how I made her leave with me
Conversation and Hennessey
I’ve been to the motherfucking mountain top
Heard motherfuckers talk, seen ‘em drop
If I ain’t got a weapon I’ma pick up a rock
And when I bust yo ass I’m gonna continue to rock
Get you ass of the wall with your two left feet
It’s real easy just follow the beat
Don’t let that fine girl pass you by
Look real close cause strobe lights lie

White Translation
I’m from Southern California (213 area code)
I like having good sex and I like smoking marijuana
You would be amazed at how much marijuana I smoke
And I have lots of sex, I see more women’s asses than a toilet seat does
I was in Detroit (313 area code)
I met a sexy woman from there last night
Let me explain to you how I was able to sleep with her
I charmed her and got her really drunk off expensive cognac
I’ve been to the top of this business
I heard people who dislike me talk bad about me and I saw them fall
If I don’t have a gun to hurt you, I will take a rock instead.
Either way I’m gonna kick your ass and continue to be awesome
Stop standing by the wall when this song comes on.
I know you can’t dance but it’s pretty easy. Just follow the beat.
Don’t let that attractive woman leave without talking to her
But be careful. It’s dark in these clubs and sometimes they look hotter than they actually are.

Bitch Please- Snoop Dogg featuring Nate Dog and Xzibit

Snoop Dogg Verse
oh no, big Snoop Dogg
Back up in the heazy baby
You jockin’ my style
You so crazy
Dre said, Ain’t No Limit to this
As long as we drop gangsta shit
Look here bitch
You fine and I dig your style
Come fuck with a N-gga
Do it Doggystyle
I’ll be gentle, sentimental
Shit, we fucked in a rental
Lincoln Continental
Um, coast to coast
L.A. to Chicago

White Translation
Oh No! Snoop Dogg is back in the house baby!
You are copying the way I rap
You’re crazy!
Dr. Dre said there is no limit to the money we can make
Just as long our rap songs continue to glorify violence, promiscuity and drug use
Look here woman
You are very pretty and I enjoy talking to you
Let’s go have sex
I will penetrate you from behind
But I’ll be gentle with you
We made love in a rented Lincoln Continental
I can have sex pretty much anywhere

The Next Episode, Dr. Dre featuring Snoop Dogg and Nate Dogg

[Dr. Dre]
Straight off the fuckin’ streets of C-P-T
King of the beats you ride to em in your Fleet (Fleetwood)
or Coupe DeVille rollin’ on dubs
How you feelin’ whoopty-whoop n-gga whut?
Dre and Snoop chronicled out in the ‘llac
with Doc in the back, sippin’ on ‘gnac (yeah)
Clip in the strap, dippin’ through hoods (what hoods?)
Compton, Long Beach, Inglewood!
South Central out to the Westside (wessyde)
It’s California Love, this California bud got a nigga gang of pub
I’m on one, I might bail up in the Century Club
with my jeans on, and my team strong
Get my drink on, and my smoke on
Then go home with, something to poke on (what’s up bitch?)
Loc it’s on for the two-triple-oh
Comin’ real, it’s the next episode…

[Nate Dogg]
Hold up, hey
for my niggas who be thinkin’ we soft
We don’t, play
We gonna’ rock it ’til the wheels fall off
Hold up, hey
for my niggas who be actin’ too bold
Take a, seat
Hope you ready for the next episode
HeyyyeyyyeEYEYyyyEYYYY….
…. smoke weed everyday!

White Translation
[Dr. Dre]
I was born in Compton, California
I make the best beats of any rapper. You listen to my songs while you drive
N-GGA What (there really is no translation for that)
Snoop Dogg and I are smoking weed in my Cadillac
I’m in the backseat sipping on cognac as well
My gun is fully loaded and we are driving through some California neighborhoods
I love California
We might end up at a club
I’m going to drink alcohol and smoke marijuana
Then bring a girl home to have sex with
Crip, We are gonna have an awesome year in 2000
It’s time for the next chapter in my life

[Nate Dogg]
Hold on a second, for you people who are thinking we aren’t very masculine
We do not joke around
We are gonna party until we are dead
Hold on a second
For the people who try to test us
Stop before you get hurt
I hope you’re ready for the next chapter in our life.

…And of course, I couldn’t finish this “tribute” without translating his most famous song in its entirety…

Regulate- Nate Dogg and Warren G

[Warren G:]
It was a clear black night, a clear white moon
Warren G was on the streets, trying to consume
some skirts for the eve, so I can get some funk
just rollin in my ride, chillin all alone

[Nate:]
Just hit the Eastside of the LBC
on a mission trying to find Mr. Warren G.
Seen a car full of girls ain’t no need to tweak
all you skirts know what’s up with 213

[Warren G:]
So I hooks a left on the 21 and Lewis
some brothas shootin dice so I said “Let’s do this”
I jumped out the ride, and said “What’s up?”
some brothas pulled some gats so I said “I’m stuck.”

[Nate:]
Since these girls peepin me I’ma glide and swerve
these hookers lookin so hard they straight hit the curb
Won’tcha think of better things than some horny tricks
I see my homey and some suckers all in his mix

[Warren G:]
I’m gettin jacked, I’m breakin myself
I can’t believe they taking Warren’s wealth
they took my rings, they took my rolex
I looked at the brotha said “Damn, what’s next?”

[Nate:]
They got my homey hemmed up and they all around
ain’t none of them seeing if they going straight pound for pound
I gotta come up real quick before they start to clown
I best pull out my strap and lay them busters down

[Warren G:]
They got guns to my head
I think I’m going down
I can’t believe this happenin in my own town
If I had wings I could fly
let me contemplate
I glanced in the cut and I see my homey Nate

[Nate:]
Sixteen in the clip and one in the hole
Nate Dogg is about to make some bodies turn cold
now they droppin and yellin
it’s a tad bit late
Nate Dogg and Warren G had to regulate

I laid all them busters down
I let my gat explode
now I’m switching my mind back into freak mode
if you want skirts sit back and observe
I just left a gang of those over there on the curb

[Warren G:]
Now Nate got the freaks
and that’s a known fact
before I got jacked I was on the same track
back up back up cause it’s on
N A T E and me
the Warren to the G

[Nate:]
Just like I thought
they were in the same spot
in need of some desperate help
the Nate Dogg and the G-child
were in need of something else
one of them dames was sexy as hell
I said “ooo I like your size.”
she said “my car’s broke down and you seem real nice,
would ya let me ride?”
I got a car full of girls and it’s going real swell
the next stop is the Eastside Motel

White Translation
[Warren G:]
It started off a beautiful night in the neighborhood
I was out on the town trying to hook up with some girls
I was driving in my car all alone

[Nate:]
I just got to the eastside of Long Beach
I was looking for my buddy Warren G
I saw a car full of attractive women
You know all the people that reside in the 213 area code are awesome

[Warren G:]
So I was making a left at 21st and Lewis
I saw some guys playing dice and I thought cool, I like dice games!
I got out of my car and I said, “Hey guys! Mind if I play?
These guys did not want me to play. They pulled out firearms and told me to give them all my money.

[Nate:]
Since these girls are looking at me, I am gonna try and look cool
These women were into me so much they accidentally drove into the curb and crashed the car
But I gotta stop thinking about having sex tonight
Because I just saw that my old pal Warren G is in a bind!

[Warren G:]
I’m getting robbed.
I can’t believe they are taking all my money and jewels
They took my ring and my Rolex
I looked at the perpetrator and said what’s next?

[Nate:]
My friend is in trouble. The perps are everywhere
There are a lot of them
In order for me to successfully get my friend out of this mess, I’m gonna have to be quick and efficient
I’m going to have to resort to force in order to save my friend

[Warren G:]
They got guns to my head
I fear for my life
The crime in my town is getting out of control. I can’t believe this is happening to me
I wish I had wings so I could fly of this mess
What should I do?
Just then I saw my friend Nate Dogg! I’m saved!

[Nate:]
I got sixteen bullets in my clip and one in the chamber
I’m about to kill all these guys messing with my friend Warren G
I unload my clip at them and they are dropping to the floor in agony
They are screaming for mercy
But it’s too late for that
Nate Dogg and Warren G had to lay down the law

I put all the guys attacking Warren G down
I used my gun A LOT
Now that it’s over and done with, it’s time to focus on getting laid again!
If you want pussy, sit back and watch. I left a whole bunch of pussies on the ground over there.

[Warren G:]
Now Nate is certainly a ladies’ man. He picked a bunch of hot chicks that are willing to do all sorts of sexual acts.
Before I was almost robbed, I was about to do the same
But now it’s on again
My friend Nate Dogg and I are going to get laid tonight!

[Nate:]
Just like I thought
These women needed help tonight too
Me and Warren are going to help them but only because we want to have sex with them
One of these girls, I found particularly attractive
I told her I liked her body
She said her car had broke down and she could really use a ride
So now I have a car full of pretty girls. This night turned out all right after all!
The next stop is a sleezy motel where I undoubtedly will get laid

Did your black co-worker openly mock you when you used “fo shizzle” improperly in a sentence? Have you grown tired of listening to Dave Matthews Band and would like to learn about some other musical genres? Well you’ve come to the right place!

Enjoy the fourth installment of Rap Lyrics Translated for White People! (As always there are footnotes to further help you understand the lyrics)

Ain’t No Fun (If the Homies Can’t Have None) [1]- Snoop Dogg

Guess who back in the motherfuckin house
With a fat dick for your motherfuckin mouth
Hoes recognize, n-ggaz do too
Cuz when bitches get skanless and pull a voodoo
What you gon do? You really don’t know
So I’d advise you not to trust that hoe
Silly of me to fall in love with a bitch
Knowin damn well, I’m too caught up with my grip
Now as the sun rotates and my game grows bigger
How many bitches wanna fuck this n-gga named Snoop
Doggy, I’m all the above
I’m too swift on my toes to get caught up with you hoes
But see, it ain’t no fun, if my homies can’t get a taste of it
Cause you know I don’t love em

White Translation
Guess who’s back? It’s me Snoop Dogg! Remember me from Dr. Dre’s “The Chronic”? You white people LOVED that album!
You know us black guys have big dicks…and I’m going to place it in your mouth
Promiscuous women know that. My friends know it too
Some of these sluts are scandalous and pull some crazy stunts
Hey… what can ya do?
You should never trust these women I have sex with because they’ve had relationships with multiple partners
It was dumb of me to fall in love with this licentious woman like this
When I knew all to well my other interests were more important to me and this slut would only distract me from these other affairs (i.e. making money and smoking weed)
As the days go by and I become more successful
There are many women who want to have intercourse with Snoop Dogg
I’m too smart to get involved with these slutty women
But it’s really not enjoyable for me to have sex with a woman unless all my friends can have sex with her afterwards

Make it Clap [2] Busta Rhymes feat Spliff Star

(this particular verse is by Spliff Star)

See you a hot little mama it’s only right that I holla
Love your face, love your smile, love that ass in a Prada
Make it, bounce up and down like the six four impalla
Turn around wiggle it like you shakin it for dollars
Girl your skin tone pretty and you love top wear Vickey
Sport Gucci and Gabbana when you love the world is sticky
Got a, crib in the city with a cherry eight fifty
We could cruise down the avenue and shop till you dizzy
Throw some karats in your pinky have your neck and wrist blingy
I could bless you with it all boo but never say gimme
We can, pop yellow bottles push whips in all models
Vroom vroom on the Calisport instead of Gucci goggles
I’m a fly little nigga boo enough for you to dig it boo
Hit me up later we can go somewhere and kick it boo
The name is Spliff baby I’ll make you man hate me
Cause my shit’s steak and gravy plus my pipe gettin crazy baby

White Translation
I see this petite sexy woman. I HAVE to talk to her
You have a pretty face and smile but most importantly your ass looks great in designer clothes.
I want to see your ass jiggle up and down like a car with hydraulics would
I know I said your pretty but I really don’t want to see your face. Turn around and shake your ass and I’ll give you a few dollars.
You’re black. I like that
(more crap about designer labels that rhyme)
I have a nice bachelor pad in the city and an expensive car that happens to be red
You should take a ride in my car with me and shop for a really long time
I’ll put some diamond rings on your finger and perhaps I’ll even get you a diamond necklace or bracelet
We can drink champagne and drive all different types of cars
More pointless stuff about cars and designer labels
I’m a good looking black man, girl and I’m good enough for you
Call me sometime and we can maybe get some coffee or see a movie?
My name is Spliff. Your boyfriend probably won’t like that you are hanging out with me.
Cause I’m pretty good in bed. [3] I also smoke lots of weed.

50 Cent- Heat

Keep thinkin I’m candy till ya fuckin skull get popped
And ya brain jump out the top like Jack-in-da-box
In the hood summer time is the killing season
It’s hot out this bitch that’s a good ’nuff reason
I’ve seen gangsta’s get religious when they start bleedin
Sayin “Lord, Jesus Help Me” cause they ass leakin
When they window roll down and that A.K. come out
You can squeeze ya lil handgun until you run out
And you can run for ya back-up
But them machine gun shells gone tear ya back up
God’s on ya side, shit I’m aight wit that
We reload them clips and come right back
It’s a fact homie, you go against me ya fucked
I get the drop, if you can duck, ya luckier then Lady Luck
Look n-gga, don’t think you safe cause you moved out the hood
Cuz ya momma still around dog, and that ain’t good
If you was smart you’d be shook of me
Cuz I’d get tired of lookin for ya, spray ya momma crib, and let ya ass look
for me

White Translation
Keep thinking that I’m weak. You won’t think that anymore when I put a bullet in your head.
Your brain will be spilling out of your head, similar to a jack-in-the-box
A lot of people get murdered during the summer time in the ghetto
Us black folks don’t like the heat. What other reason do you need to murder someone?
I’ve seen guys start praying to God when I shoot them
They cry out “Lord please help me,” while they are bleeding.
An AK Assault Rifle will win against a handgun every time there is a drive by shooting
Keep squeezing that crappy little gun you have
You can even call your friends
It won’t matter because the bullets from my machine gun will tear through your back
I don’t care if you’re a religious man. That’s fine with me.
Because I’ll reload and shoot you some more
Don’t go against me. You’ll be in trouble
If somehow you can duck my bullets, than you are a pretty lucky dude
You can move out of the ghetto. It won’t really matter though.
Your mom still lives here so you have to come back eventually
If you had any intelligence you would be scared of me
I may get tired of looking for you and just shoot your mother instead. Then eventually you’ll come look for me for revenge, at which point, I will kill you as well. [4]

C.R.E.A.M [5] Wu-Tang Clan

I grew up on the crime side, the New York Times side
Staying alive was no jive
At second hands, moms bounced on old men
So then we moved to Shaolin land
A young youth, yo rockin the gold tooth, ‘Lo goose
Only way, I begin to gee off was drug loot
And let’s start it like this son, rollin with this one
And that one, pullin out gats for fun
But it was just a dream for the teen, who was a fiend
Started smokin woolies at sixteen
And running up in gates, and doing hits for high stakes
Making my way on fire escapes
No question I would speed, for cracks and weed
The combination made my eyes bleed
No question I would flow off, and try to get the dough all
Sticking up white boys in ball courts
My life got no better, same damn ‘Lo sweater
Times is ruff and tuff like leather
Figured out I went the wrong route
So I got with a sick ass click and went all out
Catchin keys from across seas
Rollin in MPV’s, every week we made forty G’s
Yo nigga respect mine, or anger the tech nine
Ch-chick-POW! Move from the gate now

White Translation
I grew up in a bad part of New York City. The New York Times would print stories about all the bad stuff happening here.
Staying alive was hard here
We were poor and bought most of our stuff at second-hand stores
So my Mother and I decided to move Staten Island [6]
I was young and I had a gold tooth and one of those puffy goose down jackets
I started making money off of selling drugs
I got really cocky and thought I was the shit so I would whip out all my guns just for the hell of it
It was just a dream as a youth
I would mainly spend my team smoking weed
And sometimes killing people
I’d escape down the fire escape
I like to do crack and smoke weed
Your eyes get really bloodshot if you do enough of it
There was never any doubt I’d make a lot of money
Sometimes I’d rob you white people while you attempted to play basketball
But even after all the robbing and drug-dealing I did, I still didn’t have it much better
So I realized I made a mistake.
No. I wasn’t going to go to college and then hopefully get a legitimate job now. I realized my mistake is that I should be selling cocaine instead of weed! DUH!
I would make big coke deals overseas
Now I made lots of money, 40,000 dollars a week plus a sweeeet automobile
You better respect me or I will whip out my firearm
GUN SOUND. …Get out of the way

Drake feat. Eminem and Kanye West- Forever

Last name ever
First name greatest
Like a sprained ankle boy I aint nothing to play with
Started off local but thanks to all the haters
I know G4 pilots on a first name basis
In your city faded off the brown, Nino
She insists she got more class, we know
Swimming in the money come and find me, Nemo
If I was at the club you know I ball, chemo
Drop the mixtape that shit sounded like a album
Who’da thought a country wide tour’d be the outcome
Labels want my name beside the X like Malcolm
Everybody got a deal, I did it without one
Yeah n-gga Im about my business
Killing all these rappers you would swear I had a hit list
Everyone who doubted me is asking for forgiveness
If you aint been a part of it at least you got to witness
Bitches

White Translation
I’m the greatest rapper of all-time [7]
You shouldn’t mess with me, just like you shouldn’t mess around when you have a sprained ankle
I started off rapping on the local scene
But now I’m worldwide and I own a private plane
In your city, you’re high on Heroin like Wesley Snipes in New Jack City
She said she’s classier than that but she’s not
I’m swimming in money, like that cartoon fish swims in the water
I have a good time at the club
My mixtape was really good. Almost as good as a professional album
I never thought I’d be a big rap star [8]
Other rappers needed a deal to make it big. I became popular on my own
I’m murdering rappers with my lyrics in a metaphorical manner.
Everyone who said I couldn’t do it is now apologizing to me
It sucks if you couldn’t be a part of my fame. At least you get to hear how awesome I am.
Bitches

Footnotes
1. The title refers to the upsetting feeling Snoop Dogg has when his friends can’t have sex with the same woman he’s had sex with.
2. “Make it Clap” refers to the sound a man’s testicles makes when it makes contact with a woman’s backside while having sexual relations, in a position that is often referred to in the urban community as “doggy style.”
3. Somehow Spliff being good in bed is related to steak and gravy. I don’t really get the analogy.
4. I know. That’s some pretty graphic shit.
5. C.R.E.A.M stands for Cash Rules Everything Around Me
6. That doesn’t seem like much of an improvement
7. You are most certainly NOT the greatest rapper of all-time. You aren’t even the best rapper on this song. Actually, you’re not even the second best rapper on this song.
8. I can’t believe you’re a big rap star either. This verse is just awful. Swimming in money, come and find me Nemo? That’s the best line you can come with? Like a sprained ankle, I ain’t nothin’ to play with? I’ve read nursery rhymes written better.

Music is a unique way to perform stand-up. Here are a few examples of great stand-up comedy using music.

Reggie Watts- Fuck Shit Stack
I went to see Conan O’Brien at the “Prohibited” tour and Reggie Watts—the opening act—performed this hysterical number. Don’t listen to this too loud at work.

Zach Galifanakis on the Piano
“The Hangover’s” Zach Galifnakis performs his comedy act while playing the piano

Tom Wilson AKA “Biff” from Back to the Future on the Guitar
Ever wonder what Biff Tannen has been doing with himself since “Back to the Future?” Apparently, he’s been doing stand up. Here he does a song about his most famous role.

Flight of the Conchords
The Flight of the Conchords do a rap battle….

If you’re not familiar, this feature is for any white person who has no clue what rappers are saying. Once again, we have footnotes to further help educate the lyrically-challenged Caucasian, but I’ve also added another feature—I’ve linked to the original song in each translation.

Jay-Z, Ludacris and 2pac are just a few of the rappers who are translated in this feature.

Enjoy….

Big L- Danger Zone
I keep a cutie with a soft booty, hoes be runnin up
“Can I get your autograph L?” No bitch, I’m off duty
I’m breakin hottie hearts, n-ggaz drop when my shotty sparks
It ain’t no food in my fridge; just body parts
I keep the gear fresh, I keep the braids rugged
I never wear rubbers bitch, if I get AIDS, fuck it!
A beef with me, you better prevent it cause in a minute
I’ll jump out a tenant rented, and leave a n-gga body dented
And my swoll knob your main girl cold slobbed
and gave a blow job to my whole mob, with no prob’
Aiyyo crazy bitches slept with L
Then they n-ggaz got mad and tried to step to L
But I’m sicker than a n-gga that’s in special ed so I suggest
you spread pretzelhead, ‘fore I turn your white sweatsuit red

White Translation
I like to sleep with a woman with a soft butt
Promiscuous women come up to me on the street
They ask me for my autograph. I say no.
I break a lot of women’s hearts. People die when I shoot my shotgun
There is no food in my fridge, just body parts from all the people I’ve murdered
I wear the best clothes. The braids in my hair are AWESOME
I always have unprotected sex. If I get AIDS—OH WELL!
You better not get into an argument with me cause I quickly
Will jump out and shoot you dead
And your girlfriend performed oral sex on me
And she also gave all my friends blow jobs too. It wasn’t much of a challenge for her
A LOT of women have had sex with me
All these guys are jealous of all the women I’ve had relations with. So they tried to fight me
But I’m crazier than someone who is mentally retarded
So I suggest you spread your arms against the wall and let me rob you before I shoot you dead.

Fabolous- Young’n (Holla Back)
Cruisin top on the Mercedes low
Turn us up when you hear this on the radio
Blastin with the nineteen eighty flow
Make the necks on the ladies go (wooo wooop)
Holla that’s what a pretty thug will do
Hit Branson get a fifty jug or two
Ya’ll throwin on them gritty mugs for who
Like ya’ll don’t know what fifty slugs will do
Hatin I just bought the bulls
I put ya’ll in the front page articles
I got em lookin at the billboard charts confused
And I still freestyle to start the Clue’s
Reppin I’m that kid about the doe
I done copped coke and started droughts before
Shit Platinum out the door
Now I drop the top down just to shout to hoes

White Translation
I’m driving in my Mercedes convertible with the top down
When you hear my music on the radio, you should make the volume louder
I make women turn their heads
That what a good looking black male from the ghetto will do
I’m gonna go buy some alcohol
You guys look like you are jealous of me
Like you don’t know that I can kill you
You are jealous because I bought the Bulls
I’ll kill you and you’ll be on the front page of the newspaper
You’ll be looking at the music charts wondering why I’m at the top
And I still perform on DJ Clue’s beats [1]
I’m all about money
I sold A LOT of cocaine back in the day
I have lots of platinum jewelry
Now I lower the top of my convertible so I can spot promiscuous women easier

Jay-Z I Just Want to Love Ya (Give it to Me)
When the Remi’s in the system, ain’t no tellin
Will I fuck ‘em will I diss ‘em, that’s what they be yellin
I’m a pimp by blood, not relation
Y’all be chasin, I replace them, huh?
Drunk off Crist’, mami on E
Can’t keep her little model hands off me
Both in the club, high, singing off key
“And I wish I never met her at all…”
It gets better, ordered another round
It’s, about, to go, down
Got six model chicks, six bottles of Crist’
Four Belvederes, got weed everywhere
What do you say, me, you, and your Chloe glasses
Go somewhere private where we can discuss fashion
Like, Prada blouse, Gucci bra
Filth Mart jeans, take that off

White Translation
When I’m drinking cognac there’s no telling what I’ll do
Will I have sex with a girl or will I turn her down?
I was born to sleep with lots of women
You keep chasing women, I just replace women
I’m drunk off expensive champagne. This girl next to me is on Ecstasy
She’s a super model and she keeps touching me. I enjoy this
We are both in the club singing to the music…but we’re off key
Singing that song with the chorus “I wish I never met her at all” [2]
It gets better. Let’s order some more drinks
More good stuff is about to happen
I have six super models and six bottles of champagne by my side
Four bottles of vodka, There is plenty of marijuana also
How about me and you, with your designer sunglasses
Go to my place so we can have sex
Take off all your expensive clothes

T.I-24’s [3]
In a drop top chevy with the roof wide open
My partners looking at me to see if my eyes open
Cause I’ve been drankin, and I’ve been smokin
And flying down 285 but I’m focused
It’s a four fifty four SS, I race Porches
White leather seats, as fresh as air forces
Doing ’bout a hundred but the track still bumping
Number 8 on NWA straight out of Compton
Pull up at your apartment sitting on 20 something
And the dope boys hollin’ the kids running in
The clicks start dancing and the broads start choosing
And the cars been parked but the rims keep moving
Sign pictures by the hundred, to the youngins in the hood
Cause I ain’t Hollywood, I come from the hood I’m use to it,
If your rear view shaking and your seats vibrating
24 inch jays got the Chevrolet shaking

White Translation
I’m driving in a Chevrolet convertible
My buddy checks to see if I’m asleep at the wheel
Because I’m drunk and high
And I’m driving way to fast on the highway, but don’t worry, I’m paying really close attention
My Chevy is really fast. I can even beat Porches
I have white leather seats. They are pretty nice, just like Nike sneakers
Driving about 100 mph but my music is still loud
I’m listening to NWA’s “Straight Outta Compton”
I pull up at your apartment. My rims are 20 inches or more
All the boys are taking notice of me coming inside
There are people dancing and the women are looking for guys to dance with
My car is parked outside but the rims continue to move even after the car stops
I’m really famous. I sign a lot of autographs to all the young kids in bad neighborhoods
I’m not from Hollywood. I’m from the ghetto
If your rear view mirror is shaking and your seats vibrating, that means I pulled up next to you and my music is entirely too loud
Remember when I said I had 20 inch rims a few lines ago? I lied. They are actually 24 inches. Check out my Chevrolet. It’s shaking

2pac- I Get Around
All respect to those who break their neck to keep their hoes in check
Cause oh they sweat a brother majorly
And I don’t know why, your girl keeps paging me
She tell me that she needs me, cries when she leaves me
And every time she sees me, she squeeze me, lady take it easy!
Hate to sound sleazy, but tease me, I don’t want it if it’s that easy
Ayo bust it, baby got a problem saying bye bye
Just another hazard of a fly guy
You ask why, don’t matter, my pockets got fatter
Now everybody’s looking for the latter
And ain’t no need in being greedy
If you wanna see me dial the beeper number baby when you need me
And I’ll be there in a jiffy
Don’t be picky, just be happy with this quickie
But when you learn, you can’t tie me down
Baby doll, check it out, I get around

White Translation
I have great respect for guys who keep all their slutty women in line
Because these whores like me A LOT
And I’m not really sure why but your girlfriend keeps paging me [4]
She says she needs me and gets upset when I leave
Every time she sees me, she wants to hug me. Take it easy girl!
I don’t want to sound sleazy but I like it when you play hard to get
You have a problem leaving me
This is one of several problems good looking and charming men have
It doesn’t matter. I have lots of money!
Everyone wants my money
Don’t be greedy
If you want to have sex with me. Just page me
I’ll be there quickly
Don’t get upset if I don’t give you foreplay. I only have time for a quickie
I can’t be tied down to just one woman
Baby, listen…I have sex with lots of different women.

Ludacris- Stand Up
How you ain’t gon’ FUCK! Bitch I’m me?
I’m the GOD DAMN reason you in VIP
CEO you don’t have to see ID
I’m young, wild, and strapped like Chi-Ali
BLAOW! We ain’t got nothing to worry about
Whoop ass, let security carry em out
Watch out for the medallion my diamonds are wreckless
Feels like a MIDGET is hanging from my neckless
I pulled up wit a million trucks
Looking, smelling, feeling like a million bucks-ahh!
Pass the bottles, the heat is on
We in the huddle all smoking that Cheech & Chong
What’s wrong?! The club and moon is full
And I’m lookin for a THICK young lady to pull
One sure shot way to get em outta them pants
Take note to the brand new dance, like this

White Translation
What do you mean you aren’t going to sleep with me? Don’t you know I’m a famous rapper?
The only reason you are in VIP is because I thought I might be able to have sex with you tonight
I run this place. You don’t need to see my ID
I’m young, crazy and I carry guns like that rapper from Black Sheep [5]
There’s nothing to worry about
We’ll beat up some guys and let security escort them out of the club
Check out my necklace. It has a lot of diamonds in it
It is so big it makes me feel like a midget when I wear it
I pulled up to the club with a large entourage
I look and smell really good
Pass the bottles of alcohol. The club is packed and the moon is full
And I’m looking to have sex with a woman with a large backside
I have an easy way to get them to have sex with me
I try out this brand new dance. It goes something like this…

Footnotes
1-A popular DJ who makes the tracks for a number of rap songs
2- They are referring the song “I wish” by Carl Thomas
3-Yes. Someone actually wrote a song about rims
4. This song was written in the early 90’s before cell phones became popular. Ironically, this video features the Zack Morris cell phone. Tupac is flaunting it around like it’s cool to have the Zack Morris cell phone. I guess it was at the time but now it’s just kind of funny to look at.
5- Chi-Ali was a rapper in the early 90’s for the group black-sheep. He killed a man in an argument and is serving a 14-year prison sentence for manslaughter

Rap Lyrics Translated for White People

Gimme the Loot- Notorious B.I.G
I’m slamming n*ggaz like Shaquille, shit is real
When it’s time to eat a meal I rob and steal
cause Mom Duke ain’t giving me shit
so for the bread and butter I leave n*ggaz in the gutter
Huh, word to mother, I’m dangerous
Crazier than a bag of fucking Angel Dust
When I bust my gat motherfuckers take dirt naps
I’m all that and a dime sack, where the paper at?

White Translation
I’m slamming people to the ground like Shaquille O’Neal slams a basketball
When I need money, I rob people
Because my mom is poor
So for the money I kill people
I’m dangerous
I’m crazy
When I shoot my gun, people die
I’m all that plus a bag of weed. Where’s the money?

Dr. Dre- Let Me Ride
Creepin’ down the back street on Deez
I got my glock cocked cuz n*ggaz want these
Now soon as I said it, seems I got sweated
By some n*gga with a tech 9 tryin’ to take mine
ya wanna make noise, make noise
I make a phone call my n*ggaz comin’ like the Gotti boys
bodies bein’ found on Greenleaf
with their fuckin heads cut off, motherfucker i’m Dre
so listen to the play-by-play, day-by-day
rollin’ in my ‘4 with 16 switches
And got sounds for the bitches, clockin’ all the riches
Got the hollow points for the snitches
So would you just walk on by, cuz I’m too hard to lift
and no this ain’t Aerosmith
It’s the motherfuckin D-R-E, from the CPT
on a ryhmin’ spree, a straight G
Hop back as i pop my top ya trip
I let the hollow points commence to POP POP POP
yeah, cuz if it don’t stop
I have to put my shit in reverse go back and take anothers stop
Cause I’m (Rollin in my six-fo’)
with all the n*ggaz sayin

White Translation
I’m sneaking down the back streets
I got my gun in hand because other people want all my riches
As soon as I say this, some thug with a machine gun is trying to take my riches
You want to fight, let’s fight
I make one call and all my friends will be here really fast
There will be bodies found with their heads cut off. My name is Andre and I am crazy bastard
Listen to these words, every day
I’m driving my car with hydraulic suspension [1]
And I got great songs for the women, I’m making lots of money
I will shoot anyone who rats me out to the cops
When you see me, keep on walking. It will be hard for you to steal from me
This ain’t Aerosmith,
This is mothafucking Dr. Dre. I’m from Compton, CA [2]
I’m rhyming my words really well. I’m a gangster
Watch out when I take the top off my convertible
I start shooting those hollow point bullets again. POP, POP, POP
It’ll never stop
After I’m done with my drive-by. I’ll go in reverse and shoot some more
Cause I’m driving in my classic car
All the black people sayin….

Young Buc- Poppin Them Thangs
Read the paper, look at the news
We on the front page
Yeah we in the Bahamas with AK’s on the stage
The ice and the Jacob watch make a broke n*gga take somethin’
So I gotta keep the four fifth with no safety button
G-Unit getting’ money
I know some artists is starvin’
But play the game like they rich to me this shit funny
I know you see me comin’
Cuz on the front of the Maybach
It say payback for those who hated on me
I hate when n*ggas claim they bangin’ a gang
You ain’t no crip like snoop
You ain’t no blood like game
See I’ve been having beef
I have my own bullet proof vest
Most of my enemies dead I got about two left
Until my last breath I’m sendin’ n*ggas bullet holes
Innocent bystanders get hit tryin’ to be heroes
You know how we roll
Every where that we go
It’s fo’ fos’, calicos, and desert eagles (yeah) [3]

White Translation
Check out the newspaper
We are on the front page
There was this concert in the Bahamas. We held up guns while we performed
I have a ridiculously expensive watch that all the rappers buy
Because of that I take the safety off my gun. You never know when someone will want to rob me
My crew is making a lot of cash
There are other rappers who aren’t making a lot of money
But they pretend to have money. I find this amusing
When I’m on the street, you can’t help but see me
Because I drive a high-end Mercedes-Benz
I hate when people say they part of a gang
You aren’t a crip [4]like the rapper Snoop Dogg
You aren’t a blood [5] like the rapper Game
I have a lot of people mad at me
So I wear a bullet-proof vest
I’ve killed most of enemies. There are two remaining
Until I die, I’m going to be killing my rivals
Innocent bystanders might get killed too. That’s what you get for trying to be a hero
That’s how we do it
Every where we go
We have three types of guns (yes)

Juvenile-Back That Ass Up
Girl you workin with some ass yeah, you bad yeah
Make a n*gga spend his cash yeah, his last yeah
Hoes frown when you pass yeah, they mad yeah
You gon’ ride in the Jag yeah, with that head
You could smoke or buy a bag yeah, of grass yeah
Got money I can flash yeah, and trash yeah
I’ma Big Tymer n*gga yeah, pull the trigger yeah [6]

White Translation
Girl you have a big ass, yes
It makes me want to spend money on you, yes
Other girls are jealous of your ass, yes
I will give you a ride in my Jaguar, yes
You can smoke my weed, yes
I will whip out my large wads of cash and flash it, yes
I’m a big timer, shoot the gun, yes

M.O.P- Ante Up!
Ante Up! Yap that fool!
Ante Up! Kidnap that fool!
It’s the perfect timin, you see the man shinin
Get up off them god damn diamonds! Huh!
Ante Up! Oh! Yap that fool! Oh!
Ante Up! Oh! Kidnap that fool!
Get him (get him) get him! Hit him (hit him) hit him!
Yap him! (Zap him!) Yap him! (Zap him!)

White Translation
Give me your money! Rob that fool
Give me your money! Kidnap that fool
It’s perfect timing when you see a guy with nice jewelry walking down the street
Take off those diamonds!
Give me your money. Rob that fool!
Give me your money. Kidnap that fool!
Get him. Get him. Shoot him, Shoot him!
Steal from him! Steal from him!

Jay-Z- Izzo (H.O.V.A)
H to the izz-O, V to the izz-A
Fo’ shizzle my nizzle used to dribble down in VA
Was herbin’ em in the home of the Terrapins
Got it dirt cheap for them
Plus if they was short wit’ cheese I would work wit’ them
Boy and we…got rid of that dirt for them
Wasn’t born hustlers I was burpin’ em
H to the izz-O, V to the izz-A
Fo’ sheezy my neezy keep my arms so breezy
Can’t leave rap alone the game needs me
Haters want me clapped and chromed it ain’t easy
Cops wanna knock me, D.A. wanna box me in
But somehow, I beat them charges like Rocky

White Translation
H.O.V.A That spells HOVA. [7]
For sure, my black friend, I used to hang out in Virginia
I was selling drugs in Maryland [8]
I got a pretty good deal on these drugs
If the people I sold them to were short on cash, I would help them out
I sold drugs pretty well
I trained these guys to be drug dealers
H.O.V.A
For sure my black friend, I have guns
I can’t stop rapping. This rap industry needs me
People who don’t like me want to see me shot in the head. It’s hard
Cops want to arrest me.  The District Attorney wants to put me in prison
But somehow I beat those charges like our favorite fictional white boxer.

Ice Cube- It was a Good Day
Just wakin up in the mornin gotta thank God
I don’t know but today seems kinda odd
No barkin from the dog, no smog
And momma cooked a breakfast with no hog (damn)
I got my grub on, but didn’t pig out
Finally got a call from a girl I wanna dig out
(Whassup?) Hooked it up for later as I hit the do’
Thinkin will I live, another twenty-fo’
I gotta go cause I got me a drop top
And if I hit the switch, I can make the ass drop
Had to stop, at a red light
Lookin in my mirror and not a jacker in sight
And everything is alright
I got a beep from Kim, and she can fuck all night
Called up the homies and I’m askin y’all
Which park, are y’all playin basketball?
Get me on the court and I’m trouble
Last week fucked around and got a triple double
Freakin n*ggaz everyway like M.J.
I can’t believe, today was a good day (shit!)

White Translation
I just woke up. No one has killed me. Thank God!
Today seems peculiar
The dog is quiet. There is no smog
My mom cooked a nice breakfast
I ate a lot but not TOO much
I got a call from a girl I want to have relations with
I have to go because I have a convertible
My car is equipped with hydraulics, which makes the bottom of the car hit the ground
I looked in my rearview mirror. No one is trying to rob me.
That pleases me
I got a page from Kim. She likes to have lots of sex
Called up my friends. Where are you playing basketball?
I am really good at basketball
Last week I did really well. I scored 10 points, grabbed 10 rebounds and had 10 assists.
My moves are similar to Michael Jordan
Today was a good day (alright!)

1. A feature that rappers use that allows their cars to bounce up and down. See “Nuttin’ But a “G’ Thang Video
2.A low-income town in Southern California with a high-murder rate. Many “West Coast” rappers hail from Compton.
3. These are guns you’ve probably only seen when playing Call of Duty on your Xbox
4. A Los Angeles based gang.
5. A different Los Angeles based gang. Rivals with the Crips
6. Juvenile is the worst rapper ever
7. HOVA is one of the 25 different nicknames Jay-Z has given himself. This enables him to rhyme just about any word with his name.
8. The Terrapins is the mascot for the University of Maryland: Hence “herbin’ em in the home of terrapins”

In this final edition we have the Sexiest Music Videos of the Decade. These videos from the past decade have caused men to drool continuously for four minutes at a time.

10. Rihanna- S.O.S (2006)
Right from the beginning, Rihanna gets your attention when she dances around in that tight green dress. It’s basically four minutes of her dancing around, looking sexy.

9. Christina Milian- Dip it Low (2004)
Christinia Milian straps on some tight leather outfits, dances seductively and rolls around in some sort of black paint.  Not bad at all.

8. Shakira/ Beyonce- Beautiful Liar (2007)
Has there ever been a better duo of asses on the screen at the same time than there is here?  The whole video is great but the ass shaking around the 2:40 mark is what catapulted this video to the top ten.

7. Britney Spears- Womanizer (2008)
There have been a number of revealing Britney Spears videos over the years but in the end, I decided to go with Womanizer. I’m a Slave for You could have easily been on here. However, I decided to go with womanizer because of the naked Britney shots in the steam room.

6. Tatjana- Baila, Baila (2000)
I’ll be honest. I never even saw this video until I was doing research for this post.  However, when I stumbled upon it, I immediately knew it had to be on here. The video is loaded with constant boob shots and shower scenes.

5. Petey Pablo-Freek-a-Leek (2004)
This video has some of the finest hip-hop video hoes ever and has big asses cluttered throughout. This would be higher if you didn’t have to look at Petey Pablo’s ugly grill half the time.

4. Christina Aguilera- Dirrty (2002)
This video came during the height of Christina Aguilera’s whorish phase. That phase came and went too quickly.

3. La Tortura- Shakira (2005)
Shakira appears again on the list thanks to her constant air humping in this video. Also speaking in Spanish adds to her sex appeal.

Buttons (2005)
Six hot broads dancing around, wearing next to nothing is why this video is so high. Nicole Scherzinger is also one of the hottest women alive.  I could have easily taken any PCD video but this one stands out the most.

1. Jessica Simpson-These Boots are Made for Walking (2005)
This song is just awful. However, it’s well worth sitting through it to watch the video.  Jessica Simpson looks AMAZING, especially when she is washing the car in that pink bikini that is entirely too small for her.  That scene is the reason her video is #1 on the list.

Jay-Z- Can’t Knock the Hustle
shoppin sprees, copin three, duece fever I guess its fully loaded,
ah yes,
bouncin in the lex luger, tires smoke like buddha
50 g’s to the crap shooter,
n*ggas can’t fade me
chrome socks beamin, through my periphial i see ya schemin
stop dreamin’,i leave ya body steamin
n*ggas is feenin, whats the meanin
i’m leanin on any n*gga intervenin with the sound of my money machine-in

White Interpretation
I spend a lot of money.  I have a nice car.
I drive a Lexus with really nice tires
I’m a high roller
You guys can’t stop me.
I have nice looking rims. I know you want them.
You guys want my riches.
I will kill you if you do anything to keep me from making my money.

Snoop Dogg- Wit Dre Day
Your bark was loud, but your bite wasn’t vicious
And them rhymes you were kickin were quite bootylicious
You get with Doggy Dogg oh is he crazy?
With ya mama and your daddy hollin’ Bay-Bee
So won’t they let you know
That if you fuck with Dre n*gga you’re fuckin wit Death Row
And I ain’t even slangin them thangs
I’m hollin’ one-eight-seven with my dick in yo mouth, beotch

White Interpretation
You talk a lot but you can’t back it up.
You can’t rap well.
You must be crazy to try and mess with me.
I will kill you. Your Mom and Dad will be crying at your funeral.
If you mess with Dr. Dre you are messing with every rapper on our record label.
I don’t sell drugs
I will yell MURDER as you perform oral sex on me.  Bitch.

Mobb Deep- Survival of the Fittest
You walkin witcha head down scared to look
You shook, cause ain’t no such things as halfway crooks
They never around when the beef cooks in my part of town
It’s similar to Vietnam
Now we all grown up and old, and beyond the cop’s control
They better have the riot gear ready
Tryin to bag me and get rocked steady
by the mac one-double, I touch you
and leave you with not much to go home wit

White Interpretation
When you see me in the streets you are scared to look at me.
You pretend to be a criminal but really you are scared.
When there’s a violent altercation you are no where to be seen.
Lots of people are dying here, so it’s kinda like the Vietnam War.
We are crazy and not afraid of cops.
We will shoot cops with our illegal guns if they try and stop us.
When we are finished with you it will be difficult to identify your body.

Lil Jon- Get Low
To the window, to the wall, (to dat wall)
To the sweat drop down my balls (MY BALLS)
To all these bitches crawl (crawl)
To all skeet skeet motherfucker (motherfucker!) all skeet skeet got dam (Got
dam)
To all skeet skeet motherfucker (motherfucker!) all skeet skeet got dam (Got
dam)

White Interpretation
I want everyone in this room dancing.
I’m going to dance so much that perspiration will be dripping from my testicles.
I want all the women in the club to get low to the floor.
I want to have sex then ejaculate on a woman’s stomach.
I want to have sex then ejaculate on a woman’s stomach.

Notorious B.I.G.- Freestyle
Little Gotti got the shotty to your body
So don’t resist, or you might miss Christmas
I tote guns, I make number runs
I give mc’s the runs drippin
when I throw my clip in the AK, I slay from far away
Everybody hit the D-E-C-K
My slow flow’s remarkable, peace to Matteo
Now we smoke weed like Tony Montana sniffed the yeyo
That’s crazy blunts, mad L’s
My voice excels from the avenue to jail cells
Oh my God, I’m droppin shit like a pigeon
I hope you’re listenin, smackin babies at they christening

White Interpretation
I have a shotgun and I’m going to rob you.
If you resist I will shoot you
I have lots of guns and like to gamble.
Other rappers are scared to battle me
I have a loaded AK47 assault rifle
So you better hit the floor if you are nearby
I can rap slow
I smoke weed like the guy from Scarface sniffs coke
That’s A LOT of weed
My music is heard everywhere
I can rap off the top of my head really well
I hope you’re listening. I couldn’t think of another phrase that rhymes with listening.

Fat Joe- I Make it Rain
Owwwww mami’s body is banging, man, she got it, man, she does it all
She gets it popping with no hands, I’ll make it pour
I’ll make it rain on ‘em I’ll lay a game to ‘em
I’m gassing misses to tattoo my name on ‘em
Gotta get that baby love, gotta get my paper up
Gotta suspect me, exactly test this crack and want a ring on us
And you know what it is, yo, it’s them powder kids
And we know how 2 bizz, so we don’t give a shit.

White Interpretation
This girl in this strip club is really sexually attractive
She can dance on the strip pole without using her hands. I appreciate that so I will give her some money
I’m throwing cash in the air for the strippers. I’m gonna flirt with this stripper
I’m gonna convince one of these strippers to have sex with me.
I want to get laid. I want to get money
This stripper wants my money
I’m going to spend lot of money so I can get laid. I have lots of money so I don’t really care if I blow it all just to fuck this stripper.

The first person featured will be my all-time favorite rapper: Tupac Shakur. He’s had a lot of albums released, both dead and alive. So let’s get started.

For the record, I will only be focusing on the albums that were released while he was alive or shortly after his death. Although there were a few good songs on the many albums released after that, they are mostly crappy and aren’t worthy of being mentioned here. So I will stick to mainly the albums he released while he was alive plus Makaveli and R U Still Down? Also his Greatest Hits album will not be included since…well it’s a greatest hits album.

THE WORST…

Thug Life: Volume 1
Released 1994.
Technically this isn’t a true 2pac album since its features a few of his boys as well. However just about every track has 2pac on it, so we’ll count it. Although this album is pretty solid there really aren’t many memorable tracks here, therefore it ranks at the bottom.
Best Song: How Long Will They Mourn Me
Honorable Mention(s): Don’t Get it Twisted, Pour out a Little Liquor

2Pacalypse Now
Released 1991
This album is much different than his other albums because it has a very old school feeling to it. Since it was released at the beginning of the 90s it still has a lot of 80s-type beats that I’m not really a fan of. His lyrics are also a little raw at this point in his career and you don’t really see his lyrical skills until a few years later. Still there are a few classic songs on this album.

Best Song: If my Homie Calls
Honorable Mention(s): Brenda’s Got a Baby, Tha Lunatic

Strictly 4 My N.I.G.G.A.Z.
Released 1993
Just like 2pacalypse Now this album is a little too old school for my taste. However it features one of my favorite 2pac songs of all time: I Get Around.
Best Song: I Get Around
Honorable Mention: Keep Ya Head Up, Holla if Ya Hear Me

BETTER…

R U Still Down? (Remember Me)
Released 1997
This two-disc set is filled with a smorgasbord of underrated 2pac songs. Do For Love and I Wonder if Heaven’s Got a Ghetto were great songs that got their share of airplay but songs like Hell Razor and When I Get Free, which never really that popular, make the album worth owning.

Best Song Disc 1: Hell Razor
Honorable Mention(s): R U Still Down?, Thug Style

Best Song Disc 2: When I Get Free II
Honorable Mention(s): Do For Love, I Wonder if Heaven’s Got a Ghetto

Me Against the World
Released 1995
This was the album that really catapulted Tupac into the mainstream music scene. Me Against the World reached #1 on the billboard charts, all while Tupac was serving time in prison. Songs like “Dear Mama” and “So Many Tears” are two classic and timeless rap songs that still resonate today. The one criticism of this album is the lack of upbeat songs. This is a very solemn album and features several depressing and grave topics. This isn’t the type of album you can bump in your car with the windows open and the speakers blaring.

Best Song: So Many Tears
Honorable Mention(s): Me Against the World, Dear Mama

THE BEST…

The Don Killuminati: The 7 Day Theory (As Makaveli)
Released 1996
It’s really a shame that Tupac was gunned down in his prime because he continued to get better with each album. Tupac puts on his best lyrical performance on this album and after listening to it you can see why he ended up dying young. This is his most rugged and violent piece of work and the lyrics on the album reflect the violent path his life had taken during the final months of his life. The 7 Day Theory also has my personal all-time favorite Tupac song: “Hail Mary”.

Best Song: Hail Mary
Honorable Mention(s): Bomb First, Me and My Girlfriend, Against All Odds, Blasphemy, Toss it Up

All Eyez on Me
Released 1996
This is not only Tupac’s best album but, in my opinion, the best rap album ever made. This two disc-set is filled with classic hits and can be played straight through without skipping any bad songs. All Eyez on Me went nine times platinum and ranks seventh all-time among the best-selling rap albums. There are so many good songs on here I’m not sure if I can pick a favorite.

Best Songs Disc 1: Ambitionz az a Ridah, 2 of Amerikaz Most Wanted
Honorable Mention(s): I Ain’t Mad at Cha, How Do You Want it, All About U

Best Songs Disc 2: All Eyez on Me, Can’t C Me
Honorable Mention(s): Picture Me Rollin, Holla at Me, Wonda Why they Call U Bitch

Tupac fans… Agree? Disagree? Leave a comment