If you talk to any blogger about how to handle negative comments, you’ll likely get a variety of answers on how to deal with them.  I’ve been victim a number of nasty comments over the past year or so.  When I first came across a negative comment, I wasn’t sure how to handle it so I consulted ProBlogger.com, which is probably the most trusted source for advice on blogging.  Here’s what they said:

“When someone comes by & tells you your blog sucks, you suck, your dog sucks & man, has anyone ever told you you suck?, don’t take the bait! Most of the time, these are just bitter people looking for a fight. It’s just like with bullies in school — all they want is a reaction. So don’t give it to them. There is nothing more infuriating than going out of your way to annoy someone & getting no response. They will fume like mad, & might have another go, but then they will go away. The game gets old. & you can do a little celebratory dance in your living room.”—Darren Rowse-ProBlogger

This is good advice and I should probably follow it. But I’m not going to.  Instead, I’m going to take a much different approach.  My approach is to do my best to EMBARRASS YOU.    (more…)

It’s time for a special edition of one of my most popular features: Random Guys I Want to Punch in the Face. Since I’ll be getting married in a few weeks, I thought I’d do a special edition dedicated to the people involved in planning a wedding (This will be the first of a number of wedding-related posts this month, so be sure to look out for those).

As anyone who has ever gotten married can confirm, the process of planning a wedding can be a very stressful experience. Whether it’s dealing with vendors, struggling with financial issues, trying to calm down a bridezilla or countless other unforeseen problems, the wedding process is sure to leave you aggravated at some point. Here are a few people I’ve wanted to punch along the way.

The “You’re Next!” Guy
This is a warning for any recently engaged couple. For any wedding you attend during your engagement, be prepared for at least 30 people to remind you that you are the next couple to get married. This usually comes from distant cousins and friends you haven’t seen in ages, who can’t think of anything else intelligent to say to you, while you stand around drinking cocktails. “HEY GUYS!! YOU’RE NEXT!!”

Thanks for the tip, Cousin Whose Name I Can Never Remember! I wasn’t sure how the Christian calendar worked. So July comes after May? Good thing you reminded me!

This number increases exponentially with each wedding you attend. So just be prepared to laugh it off, while deep down you’ll want to knock them the fuck out. (more…)

Going on a job interview is never a fun experience.  It can be nerve-wracking, stressful and full of pressure.  Most people are forced to resort to lying during interviews because telling the truth would reveal quite a few flaws.  On the other side, the interviewer usually ask a number of bogus questions that are either totally irrelevant or require a response that will be a complete lie.

In this post, I will be listing a number of bullshit questions and answers. You’ll hear why it’s a stupid question, the bullshit response most people probably give, as well as the response most people are thinking but don’t actually say.

1. What is Your Greatest Weakness?
This is the king of bullshit questions at a job interview.  In the history of job interviews, not a single person has ever told the truth.  It’s a totally pointless question to ask because no one would ever give a straight answer. No one is going to be honest about their flaws on a job interview because that would severely hurt their chances of getting the job.  You’re always told to say some crap you can turn into a strength such as…

What You Probably Said: I often push myself too hard.  I don’t know how to balance my life because I’m a workaholic.  I’m a perfectionist who has trouble accepting failure.

What You Were Really Thinking: Well let’s see. I’m really lazy.  I usually stroll in to work at least 15 minutes late. I take long lunches and talk bad about my co-workers behind their backs. I am not willing to go the extra mile and I’ll spend most of my day going on Facebook and making personal phone calls.  (more…)

I’ve lived my entire life in New York.  As a proud New Yorker, I get ticked when I hear the numerous New Yorker stereotypes.  Here at Living with Balls, I’ve decided to put these stereotypes to rest.  For all you non-New Yorkers reading this, I’m going to teach you which New York stereotypes are true and which are false.

New York has the Worst Drivers
FALSE
New York has the BEST drivers.  You have to be a good driver to get around in New York City; otherwise you’ll get driven off the road.  Any schmuck can drive in a straight line down Route 80 with no traffic.  New York provides the most challenging driving situations in the country.  

Try maneuvering through the Long Island Expressway during rush hour when you are late for work.  Try navigating around bumper-to-bumper traffic on the Major Deegan when you are trying to get to Yankee Stadium by a 7:05 first pitch.  Try making a left-hand turn, while avoiding oncoming traffic and pedestrians in the cross walk, all while some impatient driver holds on his horn behind you.  It takes GREAT drivers to do this.

The only reason people think New Yorkers can’t drive is because there are so many of us.  The greater the number of people, the greater chance some idiot will be on the road.  We do have some idiots drivers but the percentage is no greater than any other state. (more…)

Random Guys I Want to Punch in the Face is Back!  This edition is going to be a little different though.  Don’t worry, I’ll still be talking about people I want to punch in the face. You’ll just see a number of references from the movie Anchorman scattered throughout the post.  See if you can spot the them. (more…)

There’s an epidemic going around this holiday season and it’s not the swine flu. It’s much worse than that…It’s the holiday text message. The holiday text message is a mass text message that is sent out from a friend or family member wishing you a happy holiday. This may seem like a friendly act, but it is not.

As texting has becoming more mainstream, I’ve seen an exponential increase in the number of text messages I receive on a given holiday each year. Mothers, grandmothers, toddlers: they’re all texting these days. The problem is getting increasingly worse.

The worst days for holiday text messaging are upon us. Thanksgiving, which just passed, is one of them. Christmas, New Years Day and Easter are the other three main culprits. Jewish people, you are safe for 50 percent of these holidays. This might be the only scenario where a Christian would be jealous of a Jewish holiday. (more…)

Back in August, I wrote a post called Random Guys I Want to Punch in the Face.  That post has turned out to be, by far, the most popular piece of literature on this web site.  Therefore, I thought I’d give the people more of what they want.  Here are more random people I want to punch in the face. 

THE I GET AWAY WITH USING THE “N” WORD IN FRONT OF BLACK PEOPLE BECAUSE I’M HISPANIC GUY
I work in an urban area of NYC with a population comprised of mostly African-Americans and Hispanics.  Everyday of my life I hear a Spanish guy use the “N” word. IN FRONT OF BLACK PEOPLE—and no one even bats an eye.  SERIOUSLY?  Why do they get a free pass on the word?  If I even whispered the “N” word, Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson and 30 members of the NAACP would be protesting outside my doorstep.  Why are black people ok with this?  Can someone explain this to me? 

THE DEVELOPERS OF MICROSOFT OFFICE 2007
Hey I got an idea! Let’s take software that everyone in the world uses and make it completely fucking different.  Let’s change the way it looks so no one can figure out how the fuck to find anything!  THEN let’s make it incompatible with the old version so everyone who still has Microsoft Office 2003 can’t OPEN ANY ATTACHMENTS!  If I had a dime for every time I had to reply to an email with a DOCX attachment asking the person to convert and resend it, I could have bought out Bill Gates by now.  Where did they get these retards? The Katherine Gibbs School?  I’d like to lay these worthless bastards out.

(Note: Recently they finally added a plugin to make it compatible—I still fucking hate it though) (more…)

In an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm, comedy genius Larry Davis coined the phrase “stop and chat.” The stop and chat is basically the scenario in which you run into someone you haven’t seen in a while and proceed to have that always awkward conversation. Take a look at the scene.

The stop and chat usually happens in the supermarket, on the street or in your local pub. It’s usually a former classmate, an old co-worker or an ex-girlfriend. It can be just about anyone really but it’s usually someone you don’t know all that well or someone you haven’t seen in ages. You really have nothing to say to this person but you stop and have a long, drawn-out conversation anyway.

This is how a typical “Stop and Chat” goes: (more…)

Meetings. Anyone with a job has been forced to sit though one or several hundred at some point. Some jobs require more meetings than others. In my job, I’m forced to sit through my fair share of them.

Meetings are a weird place. They have weird rules and cultures that cannot be found anywhere else in society. You act a certain way and use phrases that no person has ever uttered outside of a conference room in the history of mankind.

Where else but in a meeting do you use the word “nay” or “quorum”? Where else in life do we make a motion or have an agenda? That isn’t the worst part of it…

Minutes. This is by far, the most ridiculous part of the meeting. The only thing worse than sitting through a meeting is reading a recap of last week’s meeting. (more…)

During my daily commute I like to listen to sports talk radio in the car.  Like most people, I listen to sports talk to catch up on news and scores and also to hear some intelligent analysis.  Unfortunately, this is often interrupted by idiotic callers.  There are many types of idiots who call up sports talk radio shows.  I’m going to break down each kind for you. (more…)