Instant messaging has become an everyday part of life.  Whether it’s through AIM or a social networking site, millions of people use it everyday as an easy way to stay in touch.

A while back, I gave you some advice on talking to a girl through instant messenger. Now I will give you some guidelines to follow when talking to other men.  There are some unwritten rules that are required to maintain a sense of masculinity when talking to another man on IM.

Failing to follow these rules can result in a man being perceived as a queer—and nobody wants that.  Here are five rules all men must follow when talking online.

Rule #1: Dispense with the Pleasantries

When it comes to starting a conversation over the internet, men should never bother with pleasantries such as “Hi” or “How are you?”  Just get right into the conversation.  Saying hi is for fags.

Here’s the wrong and right way to start an instant message conversation. Fellow contributors Frank Wheeler and Don Valdez will show you a few examples.

Wrong Way

Right Way (more…)

Back in February, I wrote a post showing some of the crazy searches that brought readers to Living with Balls. It turned out to be pretty entertaining so I thought I’d do it again—mainly because I haven’t had the time to write a real post.

Since February, I have gained a little more authority in Google searches and thus have found some results that are even crazier than last time.

As a reminder, these are 100% REAL. I have only altered spelling errors. This time around, I’ll be borrowing an idea from my friend Bejewell at The Bean and I will put them into categories. (more…)

The future financial success of this blog was dealt a significant blow recently when I received this e-mail from the people at Google AdSense:

“Thanks for your email. However, please be aware that because your site was found to be in violation of our program policies, it is no longer eligible for participation in the AdSense program. Should you choose to remove all of the adult content then you may submit the site for review by visiting: https://google.com/adsense/support/bin/request.py?contact=noncompliance .

Your account remains active, and you are welcome to place Google ads on other sites which comply with AdSense policies.”

I think it’s debatable if my site truly has “adult content” on it.  Sure I talk about porn and dirty words found in Urban Dictionary but it’s no worse than anything you’d see on FOX in primetime.

As noted above, Google says I can have my account activated if I remove all the adult content.  THAT’S NOT HAPPENING.  I will continue to give the people what they want.  I will continue to talk about tits and farts and people I want to punch in the face.  I’ll continue to write sexist columns and bitch about my fiancé even if it means sacrificing the two dollars a month I currently bring in with Google AdSense.

Although losing the ability to place Google ads hurts the chance of my blog becoming profitable in the future, I am not too worried about it.  There are plenty of other ways to make money online. Contrary to popular belief, Google does not control everything.

There are plenty of other advertisers out there. Do you know any? Because I could really use some cash.

I write about a wide array of ridiculous topics here at Living with Balls. This has resulted in a number of people finding my blog through some rather odd Google searches.

Through the magic of Google Analytics, I am able to view every possible Google search that brought someone to my page. Some of the searches I’ve discovered are rather entertaining. I thought I’d share them with you. Here are the most notable searches that brought readers to Living with Balls. (more…)

It seems like every day there is some new big product or service out there that promises to be the next big thing.  Sometimes these products take off, sometimes they don’t.  Sometimes these products do well despite the fact they have no practical use for any logical human being on the planet Earth.  Here are six of those products. 

The Coors Light Cold Activated Can
You know, I’ve always wondered when my beer was cold.  The idea of just touching the bottle to see if it’s cold never occurred to me.  THANK GOD Coors Light found a way to distract people from that piss they call beer with the Coors Light “Cold Activated” can. The mountains turn blue when your beer is cold! AWESOME!  Now I’ll never have to ponder for hours if my cheap beer is ready for drinking. THANK YOU COORS LIGHT! (more…)

Hammacher Schlemmer, the oldest running catalog, claims to offer the best, the only and the unexpected for 161 Years.  I had never even heard of this company until a few weeks ago but after thumbing through their catalog recently, I’d say their slogan is pretty spot on.  I found a number of items that could certainly be described as unexpected. Therefore I thought I’d share some of the craziest items I found.  If you’re looking for some unique gift ideas for Christmas be sure to read this.  (more…)

Yes you read that title right. There’s an old saying that says “necessity is the mother of invention.” Well…I think it should be the other way around. Invention is really the mother of necessity. You don’t realize how much you need something until you have it. I realized recently that if certain gadgets were removed from my life, I’d have a very difficult time adjusting even though there was point in my life when they weren’t around. Therefore, I have compiled a list of items that were once considered luxuries that have now become necessities. (more…)

I love Facebook. There are many ways to waste time at work but Facebook is definitely #1 on my list. Blogging is #2.   Facebook brings my level of procrastination to new heights.  However, like anything else, there are things about it that annoy me.  Here is a list of my biggest Facebook pet peeves. (more…)