But what if you could only choose one? Would you prefer to be extremely handsome with a dick so small that you could never truly pleasure a woman OR would your rather be ugly with a dick so big you could make even the loosest women squeal with delight?

It’s time for another edition of “The Great Debate.”

So we are all clear on the debate, I’m not just talking about having a small penis that is slightly below average. I’m talking about a penis that is so small it doesn’t fall within three standard deviations of the average male penis. However, you would be considered a near 10 on the LWB hotness scale (assuming the standards are the same for a man). You’d have all the characteristics of someone who is considered universally attractive (e.g Brad Pitt or George Clooney).

On the flip side, if you chose Ugly/ Big Dick, you will look like ESPN’s John Clayton with a porn star-sized dick.

Obviously there are plenty of benefits to being attractive. Aside from the obvious notion that a good-looking man will be able to attract more women, an attractive male will also make more money over his lifetime than his ugly counterpart.

According to the linked story from the Wall Street Journal, attractive people are likely to earn 3%-4% more than a person with below-average looks. That adds up to $230,000 more over the lifetime of a good-looking person. In addition, good-looking people are generally happier, more popular and marry partners who are equally as good-looking.

Based on the study and just my everyday observations, good-looking people are blessed with an extreme advantage in the game of life. This may certainly be more than enough of a trade-off for having a small penis.

These are all great advantages to being attractive but most men would say they desire to be good-looking so they can have sex with more, better-looking women. Women will be willing to overlook flaws that that would leave other less-attractive men single. An attractive man can say and do stupid things, treat a woman like shit and generally be a loser at life and still would have no trouble getting laid in most cases.

The problem Good-looking/ Small Penis Guy will have is actually keeping a woman. Once he gets a woman to bed and that woman sees his two-inch piece of manhood, its unlikely he will ever go out with her again (unless he is adept with his tongue).

Is a woman willing to be in a relationship where she will never be satisfied sexually just to be with a handsome man who she can show off to all her friends? What woman would want to knowingly marry a guy with a tiny penis? She’ll be entering into a lifetime of sexual frustration.

Looks will fade over time but his dick size will always stay the same. A guy in this situation is better off saving himself until marriage if he finds a girl he really likes. That way, she’s stuck with him and his little penis for life.

I have a tendency to reference How I Met Your Mother episodes in the past and I am going to do it again. There is an episode where Ted is getting over a break-up with his ex-girlfriend Robin. Shortly after the split, Robin has a fling with a character played by Enrique Iglesias. Ted is distraught because Robin appears to have rebounded so quickly and is having sex with a man much better-looking than he is. He believes Robin is over him already and has “won the break-up.”

At the end of the episode Ted discovers that Iglesias’ character has a small penis. The episode ends with Ted rejoicing with his friends over a beer as he proclaims that he is in fact the winner of the break-up. In this situation, a big penis trumps attractiveness.

Ron Jeremy can certainly attest to that. Jeremy, a famous porn star, has achieved quite a lot in his life because he has a big dick. He is a hideous, fat looking man but he became one of the biggest porn stars of all-time because of his huge package.

Now on the other hand, Jeremy is probably the exception to the rule. He had the benefit of being a porn star, so millions of people were able to see the size of his penis. He also slept with thousands of beautiful women because of his occupation. Had he just been a regular dude, I doubt he would have been nearly as successful.

A ugly guy with a big penis may have trouble landing a girl, but once he does he has a much better chance of keeping that girl than the Good-looking/ Small Penis Guy. Cleary this woman overlooked Ugly/ Big Dick Guy’s appearance to have sex with him in the first place, so she must have liked his personality A LOT. And now that she is likely getting good sex on top of that, there’s no reason for her to ever leave.

If I had to choose, it would certainly be a difficult decision. I would not want to live my life with a tiny penis but I think the perks of being insanely good-looking would offset the issues that would arise from having a small dick.

On the other hand, I’m already married, so having women throw themselves at me would just end up bothering me because I wouldn’t be able to act on it. Perhaps in my situation, since I know where my next thousand lays will be, I’d choose being ugly with a big dick. I’m having sex with the same woman whether I’m ugly or hot, so I might as well make sex more fun for the both of us.

I’m sure there are plenty of attractive men out there that appear to have it all, but are living with the burden of having a tiny pecker. I’d like to interview these people and see if they’d be willing to trade some of their looks for a few more inches. The problem is I would never find a guy who’d be willing to admit he has a small dick.

I suppose the real question to ask is not whether we prefer one or the other but what do women prefer? Whatever they want is our answer.

Many have wondered why Pujols decided to leave St. Louis, a city where he was adored by baseball-crazy fans.

Well, Pujols’ wife, Diedre Pujols, gave a little insight into Albert’s decision during a recent interview with a St. Louis-area Christian radio station.

“When it all came down, I was mad. I was mad at God because I felt like all the signs that had been being played out through the baseball field, our foundation, our restaurant, the Down Syndrome Center, my relationships, my home, my family close,” Diedre Pujols told the station. “I mean, we had no reason, not one reason, to want to leave. People were deceived by the numbers.”

She indicated the key moment was the Cardinals’ initial offer of five years and $130 million.

“When you have somebody say ‘We want you to be a Cardinal for life’ and only offer you a five-year deal, it kind of confused us,” Diedre Pujols said. “Well, we got over that insult and felt like Albert had given so much of himself to baseball and into the community … we didn’t want to go through this again.”

Apparently the Cardinals “insulting” offer had the poor Mrs. Pujols questioning her faith. How could the Pujols family ever survive this hardship? Only 130 million? How will she feed her family? Why does God do BAD things to GOOD people?? WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN DIEDRE PUJOLS, LORD?

And there’s no way she could EVER imagine going through difficult ordeal of having several professional baseball organizations throw millions and millions of dollars at her husband in an effort to convince him to play a game for a living. People with cancer must think they have it made when they hear of the struggles that Mr. and Mrs. Pujols have had to endure through this difficult free agency process.

Please…someone insult me with a $130 million dollar offer to play a game. Shit…for that amount of money, I’ll do a lot less enjoyable jobs than play baseball. I will do unspeakable things for that amount of money.

Diedre Pujols later went on to say this…

“It’s just like God,” she said at the end of the interview, “to put us on a team called the Angels.”

OHHH PLEEEEASE!!!…Even Tim Tebow thinks this statement is ridiculous. I find it highly unlikely that God used his divine intervention to put the Angels in a better position to win the pennant. Those types of stories only happen in the movies (and Denver Broncos games)…and they already made that film. Perhaps this will be the sequel to Angels in the Outfield. We’ll call it Angels at the Bargaining Table.

You can continue to use your failed techniques or you can try something different. Perhaps you need some lessons in seduction from James Charm. Check out these entertaining and unorthodox tips on a number of ways to pick up girls.

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The premise is simple. I’ll take a celebrity that is often on the fence when it comes to her perceived hotness and then debate whether she is truly hot or not. The celebrity woman in question would typically fall in the 5-6 range on the LWB Hotness Scale, which is on the borderline between being hot and not being hot.

Typically the woman we are discussing will have some features that men will find attractive, while having others that are not. The perfect example of this debate came in a 2010 episode of The Office, in which Dunder Mifflin-Scranton debated the hotness of Hillary Swank. Today, I build on a feature so brilliantly portrayed in that episode, with my own version of it.

Today’s Hot or Not debate features Jillian Michaels.

As a celebrity fitness guru, Jillian Michaels is best known for her role on The Biggest Loser and her bestselling workout videos.

All men want a woman with a great body and Jillian is certainly in fantastic shape. But when it comes to women, there is fine line between being in shape and being too muscular. Jillian is hovering dangerously on that border.

Men obviously enjoy a woman with a flat stomach, a nice ass, and shapely legs, and Jillian certainly has all these things, but we also don’t want a woman who can bench press more than us—and I don’t feel that confident that I can actually out-bench her. A girl that is too muscular is definitely a turnoff for men (unless your Alex Rodriguez).

Jillian also seems to suffer from the Seinfeld “Two-Face Syndrome.” I’ve seen some pictures where she looks great and other where she looks kind of manly…And I’m not alone in this. Just type in “Is Jillian Michaels” into Google and one of the suggested search terms is, “Is Jillian Michaels a Man?”

Here are some examples where she looks kind of hot…

…and here some others where she doesn’t look so hot…

So is she hot or not? Personally, I feel the same way that Kevin feels in the linked Office clip towards Hillary Swank. Would I have sex with her, if presented with the opportunity? I probably would…but the question is, is she hot?…and that one isn’t so easy to answer.

What do you think? Vote in the poll below.

It definitely is the ideal gift for that lonely woman on your Christmas list.

The time period immediately following a break-up can be devastating.  You wake up the next morning after getting dumped, thinking it was a bad dream.  Then eventually reality sets in and depression hits.   You probably barely have the motivation to put on pants or even get out of bed.  Nothing in life brings you joy, except for listening to Brian McKnight’s “6, 8, 12” on repeat.

Being heartbroken is one of the shittiest feelings a man is likely to ever experience.  Unfortunately, it can be something that is hard to shake.

Time is the main ingredient in the recipe for getting over a break-up. But a man can expedite this process if he handles things properly or he can make the recovery process take even longer if things are handled poorly.   Here are some important tips which can help a heartbroken man get over a break-up as fast as possible.

1. DO NOT CALL HER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE!

After a break-up you will likely be tempted to call your ex-girlfriend.  Maybe you want to talk things out, maybe you miss the sound of her voice or maybe you just want to call her stupid cunt for breaking your heart.

Whatever the reason, calling an ex-girlfriend shortly after a break-up will likely have negative consequences.  You’ll either start crying like a little bitch, beg her to take you back or get frustrated and call her all sorts of nasty words like the one I just wrote above.  Whatever the case is, you have just made your situation worse.

I know it can be tough to stay away but you have to resist the urge as best you can.  It will be for the best.   You need to do whatever you can to get her out of your mind and calling her will only keep her fresh in your thoughts.   Cutting off all contact is the best way to go.

2. STAY AWAY FROM SOCIAL NETWORKING SITES

This is similar to the first rule, in that it involves contacting your ex, though Facebook is a slightly more indirect method of communication.  I haven’t had a bad break-up in the post-Facebook world so this was never an issue for me.   I met my wife in 2005, right around the time that Facebook began to take off.   Obviously I haven’t been dumped since then.

However, when I went through a tough break-up, instant messenger was the big thing.  I remember stalking an ex-girlfriend’s away messages to see what she was up to.  Inevitably, I’d see some message about her going out to a club or a bar.  For the rest of the night, I couldn’t shake the image in my head of some dude’s junk rubbing up against her, as he grinds against her on the dance floor.  This would just get me more upset.  The same holds true for Facebook.  You may not like what you read on her status update, so its best to just hide her from your news feed.  Ignorance is bliss sometimes.

#3. DON’T HOLD OUT HOPE THAT YOU’LL GET BACK TOGETHER

Hope is a great thing in most cases but when it comes to a break-up it can make things more painful.   Perhaps your ex-girlfriend told you that she needed some space and mentioned that there is a chance you two can give it a shot again some time in the future.  This probably happens a lot.  I’ve had this said to me multiple times after being dumped and I never got back together with any of them.  I have also used this line when roles were reversed, even though I knew I’d never get back with the girl.   I guess it just helps to soften the blow a little bit.

If she told you something similar during your break-up, just pretend like she never said it.  If she comes crawling back to you in the future and getting your ex back is something you want to do, then great.  But if she doesn’t, at least you’ll have mentally prepared yourself better to be without her.

#4 THIS ISN’T THE MOVIES. DESPERATE ATTEMPTS TO GET HER BACK WILL RE-OPEN THE WOUND

After a really tough break-up, there is a chance you may be in desperation mode.   You may be tempted to make a desperate attempt to win back her affection.   Doing something like writing her a poem or singing a love song outside her apartment window in the rain may work in the movies but in real life this will make you look pathetic.

The only situation where something like this would work is if you broke up because you screwed up.  If you cheated on her or said or did something you shouldn’t have, something like this may actually work.  In fact, in that situation, I’d probably encourage you take some action.  Doing something like this could show the girl you are serious about the relationship and want to atone for your mistakes.

However, if you broke up because she claimed she needed space, she told you she wanted to find herself, or she gave you the bogus “it’s not you, it’s me” excuse, then this will not help at all.

When your attempt fails miserably, it will “reset the clock.”  Any break-up takes time to get over and if you try something like this and fail, it will be like getting dumped all over again.   Your ego will take another hit and you’ll dive deeper into depression.

#5 AVOID GETTING DRUNK FOR A WHILE

After getting your heart ripped out, it’s easy to turn to alcohol to help relieve the pain your feeling.  But this is a VERY bad idea.  If you get drunk following a break-up, you are nearly guaranteed to drunk-dial your ex.

As many of us know, drunk-dialing rarely ends well.  A friend of mine, who frequents the comment section of Living with Balls, once drunk dialed his ex-girlfriend shortly after getting dumped.  He desperately wanted to get back with her at the time, but after a long night of drinking he decided to call her repeatedly.  After she ignored his continuous phone calls, he decided to let out his frustration on her voicemail, calling her every derogatory remark for a female you could think of.  Needless to say, he never got back with her.

In addition, drinking may make you feel better for a little while but when you sober up, you’ll be left in the same crappy situation, except with a hangover on top of it.

#6 IF YOU HAVE MUTUAL FRIENDS, DON’T HANG OUT WITH THEM FOR A WHILE

When two people have been dating for a long time, it’s likely they end up becoming close with each other’s friends.  Sometimes those two groups can even merge to create a bigger group of friends.  This is a great thing while your together, but if you break-up it can create an additional set of problems.

If this is the case, you are stuck with the shitty scenario of being forced to choose between hanging out with your friends and risk running into your ex or staying home and masturbating before crying yourself to sleep.   Both scenarios suck but you’re better off staying home and rubbing one out.

This situation sucks for everyone involved.  You shouldn’t have to lose friends over a break-up but unfortunately that is sometimes the case.  You don’t want to run into you ex at the time you are most vulnerable.  This will just make things harder for the both of you and will probably create plenty of drama.  My best suggestion is to just stay away for a little while until things blow over.  It’s possible you can eventually still all hang out together, but you need to let things cool down for a little while first.

#7 [INSERT CHEESY PLATITUDE PEOPLE SAY ABOUT GETTING DUMPED TO MAKE THEMSELVES FEEL BETTER]

You know that stupid saying that goes “if you love something let it go, if it comes back it was meant to be?” That is a tired cliché but there actually is an element of truth to it.

If this girl truly loves you, eventually she will realize she has made a mistake.  But she’ll never realize this if she thinks she can get you back at anytime.  If this girl thinks you have moved on and there is a chance she may lose you forever, then she may start to rethink her actions.   It’s human nature to want something we can’t have.   And if she doesn’t ever come back to you, then at least you’ll have gotten over her quicker and you can move on to another girl.

I’m going to show you two commercials that will further explain what I mean. I will spend way too much time breaking down these 30 seconds TV spots than I should. But they all lead me to my point at the end. So bear with me…

In this commercial, some guy and his wife are having a nice breakfast at McDonald’s when the woman decides she’s gonna start trouble. She tells her man that her sister’s boyfriend does nothing but watch football on Sunday and then looks to her man for a comment as way to test him. If he says the wrong answer, he’s dead.

First off, this is a bullshit tactic. Why start trouble? Their relationship has nothing to do with yours, so why even test him? You seem to be enjoying a nice breakfast together. Is it really worth bringing this up? Maybe she’s just pissed that he took her to McDonald’s instead of some place nice.

After she seeks her husband’s opinion on the matter, the guy begins to freak out. Sunday’s are absolutely for watching football but he’s too much of a pussy to be honest. So he desperately tries to come up with an answer that won’t result in him getting kicked out of the house tonight. So what does he do? He makes up a lie and sells out a fellow bro in the process by calling him a jerk.

It’s obvious that the woman does indeed “wear the pants” in this relationship. This guy loves football and NFL betting, like any other man, but because he’s too big of a vag to stand up for himself, he’s now going to spend every Sunday shopping at Whole Foods and watching Desperate Housewives with her.

But to him, lying is better than the alternative, which is having sex and dinner withheld and being kicked out of the house (Though there’s a good chance when he makes his move in bed tonight, his wife will claim she’s too tired anyway).

His problem is that he let things snowball until it got to this point. This woman clearly runs the show. This man is TERRIFIED of his own woman. He lives in fear of saying or doing the wrong thing to the girl he chose to spend the rest of his life with. It’s pathetic. Somehow, over the course of the relationship, his nuts have gradually ascended inside his body and he has lost what little hand he had in the relationship to start with.

In this commercial, our protagonist Steve is excited to tell his wife that he just got the family unlimited mobile-to-mobile minutes on their cell phone plan. Before he can even explain himself, his wife chimes in out of turn, complains about him spending more money and then mutters that she should have married some other guy.

First off, can you imagine a guy saying something like this to his wife? We would get smacked so hard. If I told my wife that I wish I married someone else, it would be a minimum of a week before she would even acknowledge my existence. Yet somehow a woman can get away with this?

Secondly, she’s complaining about spending too much money as she waters a room full of plants in her fancy greenhouse. Anyone else see the irony here? This dude is just trying to get a better cell phone plan, and she’s bitching about money, while she throws away cash on an expensive greenhouse that provide zero value to the family. Steve is working his ass off, trying to provide for his family, even though she probably wasted lots of money by taking out a home equity loan to “pursue her passion.” This man’s first mistake was not shooting down that idea in the first place.

At least this dude has some semblance of sack. You can see the look on his face. He desperately wants to call her a stupid cunt after she makes that comment but he holds back and just reveals that it didn’t cost any extra money, thus showing that he was right, leaving his “better-half” speechless. The man, for now, can enjoy a small victory in the battle for the upper hand. Unfortunately for him, it’s a battle he will ultimately lose.

Despite his victory here, it’s pretty obvious that the wife controls the relationship. The fact that she has the hubris to even make that comment proves that is the case.

This man also hates his wife. He used to love her and would do anything to get things back the way they were. He thinks telling his wife that he got free mobile-to-mobile minutes would—at least for a brief moment— bring the smile he once fell for back in college. But quickly, that hope is dashed, as he once again is reminded that his wife has become some person he tolerates living with and not the woman he couldn’t be with out.

And yes, I got all that from a 30 second spot about a wireless calling plan.

So what do these commercials say about men? Have men lost control of the household? Do women “wear the pants” now? It seems like we are no longer masters of our domain.

Back in the day, men were the rulers of the castle, if only because women were dependent on men for survival. A man was often the sole breadwinner in the family and therefore provided his wife with a lifestyle she could not achieve on her own. Women had to put up with men out of necessity, which as a result gave men the upper hand in relationships.

But things have shifted dramatically now. Women are no longer dependent on men for survival. They are independent and sometimes are making more money then their significant others. They no longer need to put up with us. They also have the power to withhold sex from us (which men can’t pull off), and that gives them the edge.

Ideally, this isn’t how it should be. Marriages are certainly challenging, but it should be an equal partnership. We should be honest with each other and not fear that the wrong answer will put us in the doghouse. But if one of us has to have an upper hand, I’d prefer it to be men.

Perhaps this is just the way we are portrayed and these types of moments are not the norm in real society. I don’t really have a definitive answer. I could probably do a dissertation on this if I wanted to. I don’t really feel like doing all that work so I thought I’d pose these questions to the readers instead.

What are your thoughts?

Look at the tits on this thing! I’m gonna go out on a limb and say these things are fake.

Unfortunately for this girl (whom I probably would bang if I wasn’t married and she wasn’t crazy), there will probably not be much interest from the men on eHarmony. Cat owners have long been stereotyped among society and this girl is not helping. Enjoy the video…