The month of February features a holiday in which a bunch of hicks in Pennsylvania look to a rodent for weather predictions. Yet Groundhog Day is still not the dumbest holiday in the month of February. That honor belongs to Valentine’s Day.

Now I am not one of those angry, lonely people who get bitter every Valentine’s Day because I can’t get laid. I’m engaged and I still hate the holiday!

So why do I think Valentine’s Day is one of the dumbest holiday’s ever? Here are a few reasons…

IT’S AN ARBITRARY DATE
February 14th has no significance to me. Nothing special has happened on this date. No one I know was born on this date. It’s not our anniversary. The U.S.A. didn’t storm the beaches of Normandy on February 14th. So why should I care? There’s no reason to celebrate. Valentine’s Day has as much significance to me as Arbor Day. So how did Valentine’s Day come about? Why is it on February 14th? (more…)

In the 2001 movie Training Day, academy award winning actor Denzel Washington, plays a crooked cop who owes money to the Russian Mob. In one of the final scenes, when Denzel’s life is in danger, he utters one of the most famous movie lines in recent history saying, “I run shit here, you just live here!…King Kong ain’t got SHIT on me! (see clip below)

In the world of relationships, make no mistake about, Women run shit. Men just live here.   Most men claim to wear the pants but in actuality all women control the relationship. 

Despite the best efforts of women, we are still a male-dominated society.  Women still make less money than men on average, males hold more high-level jobs and women are continually portrayed as sex objects on television. (For the record, I’m not saying this is how it should be, these are just facts).

However, once the man enters a long-term relationship, those inequities no longer apply because women hold the one key that tips the relationship scale in their favor…THE VAGINA. Despite the best efforts of George Constanza and other men, we have no upper hand, because if we do anything wrong, the woman will withhold entry to the best place on Earth.  For this reason, men always have to make a conscious effort to be on their best behavior. (more…)

Sharing your home with a woman presents a number of challenges. As someone who just recently began doing this for the first time, I am discovering new challenges every day. Perhaps the most daunting task I’ve faced is completing a perfect run to the supermarket. 

As the man, you are often the one sent to the store to pick up some groceries for dinner. To the distant observer this would seem like an easy task, however, it is far from it.  Since moving in with my fiancé, I’ve been sent to the store dozens of times and I have yet to complete the perfect supermarket run.  Whether it’s forgetting something, buying the wrong brand or picking out bad fruit, I always mess something up.

The pressure mounts with each trip to the market.  I know if I screw something up I am either getting yelled at or sent back to the store…or both.  As I’m browsing the aisles, the tension grows.  Even the most basic items turn into a guessing game for me. This is my thought process for about every item on the list… (more…)

A recent University of Montreal study on the effect of pornography on young men ran into a roadblock when it could not find a single male who hasn’t watched porn.

This should come as a surprise to no one.  ALL MEN watch porn.  I bet those “saintly” Duggar kids even watch it.  They just won’t admit it. 

The researchers wanted to compare the views of men in their 20s who have watched porn compared to those who haven’t.  Since the researchers could not find a single male for the study, they decided to focus their research on the effects of pornography.  (more…)

A while back, I wrote a post called TV Shows you can Watch with your Girl.  The idea of the post was to find shows that you and your girlfriend/ spouse/ fiancé/ mistress etc. could watch together.  However, as the boyfriend, there are plenty of times you get stuck watching TV shows you can’t bear to watch. 

For me, most of those shows are on the Lifetime Network.  When I come home, Lifetime is on. When I go to bed, Lifetime is on. It’s gotten so bad that I am starting to see repeats of these shows.  It’s because of this network that I no longer feel bad subjecting her to nine hours of football on Sunday. 

To help you guys out, I am going to break down all the shows I am forced to watch. Some are on the Lifetime network, while others are not. If your girl ever puts any of these shows on, take the advice of Biff Tannen: Make like a tree and get outta there. 

I will rate each one on a scale of 1-5 with 1 being the most tolerable and five making you want to jump off a bridge.  Click on the links to video clips if you dare.  (more…)

As you all know by now, the New York Yankees and the Philadelphia Phillies will battle it out for the 2009 World Series title this week. If you are a reader of this site, you probably know that I am a HUGE Yankees fan. What you may not know, is that my fiancé, a native of a southeastern Pennsylvania suburb is a Phillies fan. We should be in for quite the interesting week.

I worry how this series will affect our relationship. Up until this point, we always rooted for each other’s teams. We shared a love for baseball and a hatred for the Mets. I’d take her to Yankee Stadium and she would buy a shirt of whichever Yankee she thought was the hottest at the time. She’d take me to Citizens Bank Park and I’d purchase a Phillies cap and cheer on Chase Utley.

But that all changes from here on out. My Phillies hat will be burned in effigy. I hope Citizens Bank goes bankrupt and Chase Utley breaks an ankle. (more…)

With the advances in technology over the years, the mediums for flirting have changed. No longer do you have to meet in person or make a phone call to flirt. Thanks to instant messaging, text messaging and social networking sites, it’s easier than ever to charm a girl.

In fact, the first time I contacted my fiancé after we met was through Facebook. Most of our contact early on was through either Facebook or AOL Instant Messenger. These tools are great for guys like me, who are usually to pussy to actually pick up the phone to talk to a girl.

Instant messaging has introduced new methods of flirting. However, many guys, such as myself have trouble picking up on flirting when it’s in person. It’s even harder to pick up on these signals online.

So to help you out, I have consulted with a number of trusted women to help you find out if a girl is actually interested or if she wants nothing to do with you. I asked my fiancé, as well as good friends Sarah, Megan, Amanda, Karen and Melissa. Their names have been changed to keep their secrets safe. (more…)

I’ve decided to start a new, semi-regular feature here at Living with Balls. Every so often I will link to video clips of some great stand-up comedy bits from some of comedy’s funniest people. There will be a different topic each time. Today’s topic is relationships. So if your girl is getting on your nerves lately, here are some great comedy bits to help you vent. (more…)

Here in New York, a popular radio station called 103.5 KTU, does a daily segment called War of the Roses. In the segment, the DJ’s call up suspected cheaters pretending to be an online flower company who is giving away free roses. When the suspected cheater sends the roses to someone he or she shouldn’t be sending them to, the spouse gets on the line and flips out.   These clips are both hilarious and shocking and you don’t need to be from New York to appreciate them.  For your enjoyment, I have compiled the Top Ten War of the Roses Moments of All-Time.  (more…)

This is the third part of the series giving advice on living with a woman. Be sure to check out the first two parts called: Rules of Engagement and Moving in With Your Girl? What to Expect.  Now for the third and final part: Television Shows You Can Watch with Your Girl.

One challenging aspect of living with a woman is agreeing on a television show to watch. Most free nights I have involve my fiancé and I sitting on the couch, flipping through the channels. I want to watch the ball game, she wants to watch Project Runway.

This can create a conflict of interest. You want to spend time with your girl but you want to watch the shows that interest you. DVR has helped but the problem still arises from time to time. So in an effort to combat this problem here’s a list of the top shows to watch with your girl. (more…)