Instant Message Flirting; How to Tell a Girl Likes You Online and Through Text Messages
September 18, 2009 | Posted by Johnny Sacks 
With the advances in technology over the years, the mediums for flirting have changed. No longer do you have to meet in person or make a phone call to flirt. Thanks to instant messaging, text messaging and social networking sites, it’s easier than ever to charm a girl.
In fact, the first time I contacted my fiancé after we met was through Facebook. Most of our contact early on was through either Facebook or AOL Instant Messenger. These tools are great for guys like me, who are usually to pussy to actually pick up the phone to talk to a girl.
Instant messaging has introduced new methods of flirting. However, many guys, such as myself have trouble picking up on flirting when it’s in person. It’s even harder to pick up on these signals online.
So to help you out, I have consulted with a number of trusted women to help you find out if a girl is actually interested or if she wants nothing to do with you. I asked my fiancé, as well as good friends Sarah, Megan, Amanda, Karen and Melissa. Their names have been changed to keep their secrets safe.
THEY INITIATE THE CONVERSATION
This seems fairly obvious but it needs to be said. If you are always the one initiating the conversation, that’s not a good sign. She needs to IM or text you initially at least some of the time. However, don’t expect that too often because even if she likes you she may not want to come off as desperate and will wait for you to start the conversation.
THEY SEEM INTERESTED IN WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY
This is another fairly obvious one but if she asks a lot of questions and has good responses to your comments, than you might be in luck. If you are the one always asking questions and trying to keep the conversation going, then you should probably renew your Brazzers membership because you aren’t getting laid anytime soon.
Here’s what Sarah had to say on the matter: “A good sign would be if a girl is constantly engaged in the conversation (i.e. “brb” is a BAD thing) and writes fairly long, but not too long, or too short messages. Too long and they may just consider you a friend; too short and they are just not interested.”
EMOTICONS 
Emoticons are always a good sign. The more, the better. Big smiles and laughs are always good when flirting in person. Online is no different.
Here’s what my friend Megan had to say: “Without a doubt, the wink is super important when flirting over aim and texts. .”
Amanda agrees: “I do send quite a few of the emoticons as well, usually the winky one, the blushy one, the kissy one or the big smile one.”
and Karen… “The winking face is a definite flirting tool, and general teasing of whoever I’m flirting with.”
Melissa had this to add: “I definitely use emoticons but I’m also a big fan of the exclamation point (!) — This is typically when I am trying to be funny or trying to show that I’m really engaged in the conversation.”
Which bring me to my next point…
EXCLAMATION POINTS
Exclamation points are a great sign. Hey! Is better than Hey. What’s up!? is better than what’s up. It shows they are genuinely excited to talk to you and not just being polite.
ADD-ONS TO A GREETING
Any sort of add on to a greeting is usually a good sign. For example, instead of saying Hey, they say Hey there! or Hey babe.
Here’s what Megan had to say: I’d also start off with “hi hottie” and end with “bye babe” or “ciao babe”
Melissa agrees: “To let them know that this conversation will be flirtatious, I typically blatantly start them off that way… I have been known to say “Hey there hot stuff”. I’ve also done this via text. Actually I’m a huge text-flirter, but that is always more blatant than AIM because it’s usually late at night and alcohol-fueled.”
(p.s. Melissa is still single if you’re interested after reading that.)
EXTENDED WORDS
Any sort of extension to a word is good. For example Heyyyyyy or Byyyyee are always good signs. Here’s what my future wife had to say after she went through saved AIM conversations between me and her (apparently this is common among broads):
“Apparently, I thought I was Tony the Tiger and I needed to extend all my vowels with lots of letters “greeeeatttt!” or Hiiiiiiiii! or Byeeeeeee or I knowwwww (there was a lot of that one). I still think I do these things too!”
(You better not still do those things. Who are you still flirting with?)
CAPITAL LETTERS
Capital letters that accentuate a point are good as well. Once again here’s what my fiancé noticed when digging through some old conversations:
“I always seemed to be really excited about anything that you said. CAPITAL letters and all WOW nice! to anything that you said whether I understood it or not.”
HeHe
This is one I learned when asking a few of my friends. Apparently girls will use hehe instead of Haha or lol when they think something is funny.
This is what Sarah had to say: “I feel like girls tend to write”hehe” when flirting… makes the laugh a little cuter.”
Amanda feels the same way: “I tend to do the hee hees and do minor sexual inuendos as well when I flirt.”
THEY SAY GOODBYE FIRST
This was another one I was unaware of before starting this post. I had multiple responses from my “focus group” saying they always would try to sign off first. Apparently they want to make it look like they are busy.
This is what my fiancé had to say: “I also tried to come off busy and tried to end the conversation first. I would always say I was going out with friends or to a bar and if he wanted to stop by that would be cool. I would say all sorts of things to show him that I was busy and would not be waiting around for his next move.”
This could get confusing since a girl who is not interested will likely sign off first as well. This is why you need to pay attention to the other flirtation signals listed above. If you get an extended goodbye or an add-on than you might be getting lucky really soon.
Guys, what are your thoughts? Have you noticed these? Ladies, if you’re out there, did I miss any? Be sure to comment about it.
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Categories: Relationships, Women | 
Tags: AIM, Dating, Facebook, Flirting, Instant Messenger, Sex, Social Networking, Text Messages, Women | 
30 Comments »
Intriguing. But, the distinct possibility that my fiance is one of these “Karens” or whatever is cause for concern.
If you really loved me you would be able to guess which one I am. hahahaha
@Laura
Excuse me, but if I was giving “flirting” advice I’d be in hot water. Laura, meet my friend “double standard.”
John You are a god among man, this needs to be published
Sometimes, though, brb just means “I gotta pee”
Thanks Max. Technically it is published. Tell your buddies how awesome this site is.
Laura, Dont take any crap from whoever the hell this Gary guy is. Just slap him around some and put him in his place.
John, Max is correct you are a god among men. In a non gay way that is. Not that theres anything wrong with that.
I’d like to read something about “How to tell if a GUY likes you via online/textual relations.” from the guy’s (your) point of view.
Fucking A.. What happened to saying things the way they are?
I consider this a very magnificent necessary evil.
Kudos.
I’d have to agree with a lot of these points. They’re all true, and it can help people who aren’t too flirtatious.
Natalia, it’s kind of hard over texting/iming, but if they tease you a lot and make fun of you, they like you.
.-= Cartoon Games´s last blog ..Mario Ghosthouse =-.
“I’d like to read something about “How to tell if a GUY likes you via online/textual relations.” from the guy’s (your) point of view.”
Natalia, that’s easy.
1. He has a penis.
2. He likes girls.
3. He talks to you more than 5 minutes and you’re not related to him.
4. You have a vagina.
I realize ive joined this a little late but i was chatting with a girl who i never really thought anything about cus it seemed crazy. Crazy because she is one of the most gorgeous women i have ever seen. and she was dating my close friend. :-/ But lately shes been IM’ing me and exhibits almost every thing listed above except the winky face. I usually have great instincts about this sort of thing but i suppose im in a type of wishful denial. A too good to be true thing. Maybe shes just being nice or bored or i am just that awesome.
I guess we ll see.
To slippy slappy doo:
exact same thing happen to me awhile back.
she’s very interested.
probably has thought about you two being together before too.
key tip:
never go on and on and tell her how hot you think she is.
hot women get this all the time. daily. from strangers.
a downplayed compliment every once in a great while at the most.
it means more to her that way.
if she tries to fish for compliments. the good ol “psshh. whatever.” to her ‘i don’t think i’m pretty’ routine, works wonders.
she knows. he knows. we all know she’s hot. otherwise she wouldn’t post 50,000 pics of herself.
Is it odd that I, a guy, show these signs when talking online to most people?
Yeah i agree with most of that. I didn’t know about the getting off first thing either… although I’ve never had any girls do hehe but I’ve noticed that the more they’re flirting with you the longer the haha’s are. like for example instead of like haha yeah it’s hahahha yeah! to initiate they are laughing more i guess. Also i’ve noticed that when replying to your messages they often tend to put lol or haha more often or start the conversation of with lol/haha.
I am glad to find this site. i am just in situation that I dont know if a girl like me on facebook or not.we never met in person. The problem that we live in different countries and i just cant travel. Here the sign that make me think that she like me:
1) She is sound very nice lately and she keep using lots emoticons, mostly grin and tongue, and lotssss of “hhhhhhhhhhh”
2) one day, i was feeling bad because i have some problems at work and i post it on my wall …two minutes after. she start a chat and she tried to make me feel better.
3) she was going to college and she asked me about my opinion on some of her choices and I suggested one and I told her that I like thid one and I was planning to go for it but it didnt work out .. guess what?? she went for it…when she got accepted she didnt posted on fb till she surprised me on chat (we didn’t expect that she will got accepted) that she got accepted … 4 min later she posted on her statues
4) we r talking for hours like one time we talked for like 7 hours almost non stoppable. she asked me lots of questions.
5) we were chating once and liked a post i posted about how girls r loving and soft. she doesn’t like my post so often.
what make me confuse that she doesn’t start chat very often and doesn’t do the add ons. Does girls had to do all of the above if they like you or some of them is enough. any answers will very appreciated.
@ mema no a girl does not have to do all of the above to like you. that is like a lot girls don’t really wanna over kill and scare you off and it sounds like she really likes you! how long have you guys been talking?
thx mimi,
I know her for a little over 4 years (NOW, she has 18 years old and i am 23 years old). she actually a family member she is the sister of my cousin’s wife. she is start to mock me very often. i don’t know r these signs mean she likes me or it can be of just a friendship..??
hey there, so theres this girl that i really like and i think that she likes me but im not sure since she shows most of these signs but sometimes she doesnt look like interested so i stopped texting her since now i couldn’t talk to her face to face either and exactly 1 month after i stopped talking to her she contacts me asking what wrong and stuff like that, what does this mean anything?
Qwerty,
Please describe her fun bags in detail, and I will enthrall you with my opinion…
I know this girl for over three years. lately she starts acting weird. she starts to chat with me alot almost in a daily basis for hours. she teases me a lot. she also has two accounts on Facebook. some days she chats me with both accounts in the same time and sometimes she alternates keep going back and forth with the accounts, I don’t know what that means??
she keeps using lots of emoticons, mostly grin and tongue, and lotssss of “hhhhhhhhhhh”.
what do u think?? any ideas??
I think that the female being the first to initiate the conversation is a really big sign. This happens to me alot, and almost every time they have ended up telling me that they are interested. : /
Well, the girl I’m currently interested in exhibits a lot of thesr signs other than the “hehe” and winky face routine. Although, It’s odd we really don’t talk much during school but when we text the conversations could go for hours.
theres this girl that i like and she puts a lot of smilies “:)” and says “lol” a lot. does that mean she likes me?
i dont talk with her much at school either like @jon but our conversations are HOURS long
@poiuy…it’s certainly a good sign but I wouldn’t say it’s definite. You should talk to her more in person. I think you’ll get a better idea that way.
ok well there is this girl i really like, shes a relative of mine and i know for for a little over a year now, we talk for hours at times, always tease each other and she always starts the conversation, but i was told shes already in a relationship, when i asked her she said she has nothing on her mind except her school. problem is how she acts makes me think that she likes me but am still not sure if shes single or not, and if shes acting this way just to be friendly or is it something more..
Jon, do you go to Cascade?!Because if you do, i love you! <3
I understand this forum is probably dead, but there’s a girl that lately hasn’t been talking to me as much. I guess I kind of like her, and it’d be cool if we hung out more (In real life). She’s showed a few of these signs during the past few weeks, but the past few days we haven’t really talked online (I rarely start conversations). We still have healthy conversations in school, but other than that there’s not a lot. Any ideas as to how she feels?