I was attending a friend’s bachelor party recently, and like many bachelor parties, there were strippers involved. As expected, a naked woman eventually approached me, bent over in front of me and shook her bare ass in front of my face. Naturally, I milked this for as long as possible before placing a crisp dollar bill inside her g-string as a token of my appreciation.

As I wedged the dollar bill in between her underwear and her ass, something suddenly occured to me: STRIPPERS ARE UNDERPAID.

How did I come to this realization? Allow me to explain:

Since the beginning of strip clubs, strippers have been paid in dollar bills. The years have come and gone and little has changed. Inflation has gradually weakened the dollar and increased the cost of living, yet strippers continue to be paid in dollar bills. (more…)

This is a post from new contributor known only as Oobtastic. He will likely contribute from time-to-time.

We all know the economy is in a shambles. One in ten people that want work can’t find a job. The government passed a $700B stimulus package to create jobs, but where are they?

There is another, more troubling crisis plaguing our country: Actors are squandering any artistic credibility they have by doing shampoo commercials and voice over work for credit card companies.

I have a plan that will solve BOTH important crises. It’s a piece of legislation, called the “Helping Americans Land Jobs in Television” Act, or HALJIT (every good piece of legislation needs an irritating acronym).

How would this bill work? It’s simple – it would prohibit actors, musicians, professional athletes and other celebrities from doing advertising work, while at the same time mandating that unemployed machinists, truckers, carpenters, and road pavers be given those jobs instead.

“Whoa, there, wait a minute,” you might say. “I don’t know if I’m comfortable with this.”

This is a natural reaction. But after reading this simple overview, you will be eager to press your Congressional representatives into supporting this legislation. (more…)