Picture this for a minute.  You just took the last bite of a four-course meal at your home that was cooked by your girl–Just you two at the dining room table.  Perhaps there is a candle at the table, or a flower, or something else that’s socially romantic.  After your last bite, you walk to the kitchen and grab the step-stool, bring it into the dining room and place it beside her.

She knows it’s coming, but she continues to play coy.  She is mesmerized as you climb the two steps, point your buttocks in her direction, and let a four-second, two-octave fart blast right into her face.  You hold the pose for a couple of seconds after the fart, just for the effect.  You then step down, knowing that you’ve really put an exclamation point on the romantic night.  She proceeds to stare into your eyes lovingly.  Her eyes swell up as she’s consumed by the moment.  She slowly takes your hand…and takes you to bed for some romantic intercoursings.

Absurd thought?  Unfortunately it is.  Whatever…let’s assume the toot you threw in her face smelled like a dozen roses.  (more…)

I just did my first ever guest post called “The Joy of Farting: Where to Fart Without Getting Caught,” over at my good friends at Muff Slap.

Here’s a teaser:
Men love to fart. For a man, farting is one of life’s simple pleasures. There are few things in life more enjoyable than ripping a loud, healthy, room-clearing fart.
But ALAS, the unwritten rules of society deem flatulence as a faux pas. All our lives, we are restricted from farting whenever we like. We are taught to hold our farts in all day until we enter the privacy of our own home. We hold it in at work and in front of girls in fear of being ridiculed and blamed for the foul odor that accompanies it.

Read the rest at Muff Slap

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