It’s time for a special edition of one of my most popular features: Random Guys I Want to Punch in the Face. Since I’ll be getting married in a few weeks, I thought I’d do a special edition dedicated to the people involved in planning a wedding (This will be the first of a number of wedding-related posts this month, so be sure to look out for those).

As anyone who has ever gotten married can confirm, the process of planning a wedding can be a very stressful experience. Whether it’s dealing with vendors, struggling with financial issues, trying to calm down a bridezilla or countless other unforeseen problems, the wedding process is sure to leave you aggravated at some point. Here are a few people I’ve wanted to punch along the way.

The “You’re Next!” Guy
This is a warning for any recently engaged couple. For any wedding you attend during your engagement, be prepared for at least 30 people to remind you that you are the next couple to get married. This usually comes from distant cousins and friends you haven’t seen in ages, who can’t think of anything else intelligent to say to you, while you stand around drinking cocktails. “HEY GUYS!! YOU’RE NEXT!!”

Thanks for the tip, Cousin Whose Name I Can Never Remember! I wasn’t sure how the Christian calendar worked. So July comes after May? Good thing you reminded me!

This number increases exponentially with each wedding you attend. So just be prepared to laugh it off, while deep down you’ll want to knock them the fuck out. (more…)

Random Guys I Want to Punch in the Face is Back!  This edition is going to be a little different though.  Don’t worry, I’ll still be talking about people I want to punch in the face. You’ll just see a number of references from the movie Anchorman scattered throughout the post.  See if you can spot the them. (more…)

Back in August, I wrote a post called Random Guys I Want to Punch in the Face.  That post has turned out to be, by far, the most popular piece of literature on this web site.  Therefore, I thought I’d give the people more of what they want.  Here are more random people I want to punch in the face. 

THE I GET AWAY WITH USING THE “N” WORD IN FRONT OF BLACK PEOPLE BECAUSE I’M HISPANIC GUY
I work in an urban area of NYC with a population comprised of mostly African-Americans and Hispanics.  Everyday of my life I hear a Spanish guy use the “N” word. IN FRONT OF BLACK PEOPLE—and no one even bats an eye.  SERIOUSLY?  Why do they get a free pass on the word?  If I even whispered the “N” word, Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson and 30 members of the NAACP would be protesting outside my doorstep.  Why are black people ok with this?  Can someone explain this to me? 

THE DEVELOPERS OF MICROSOFT OFFICE 2007
Hey I got an idea! Let’s take software that everyone in the world uses and make it completely fucking different.  Let’s change the way it looks so no one can figure out how the fuck to find anything!  THEN let’s make it incompatible with the old version so everyone who still has Microsoft Office 2003 can’t OPEN ANY ATTACHMENTS!  If I had a dime for every time I had to reply to an email with a DOCX attachment asking the person to convert and resend it, I could have bought out Bill Gates by now.  Where did they get these retards? The Katherine Gibbs School?  I’d like to lay these worthless bastards out.

(Note: Recently they finally added a plugin to make it compatible—I still fucking hate it though) (more…)

Every so often I run into someone I just want to punch in the face. For whatever reason they just get under my skin. I may not even know them or ever talk to them. They just give off a vibe that says “I deserve to be punched in the face.” Here are some of these people. (more…)