Saturday, August 7, 2010, 6:58 pm EST, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Owen: This weekend is gonna be awesome Joey! A weekend in Philly, tickets to see Mets/ Phillies at Citizens Bank Park. Hopefully, we’ll see a Mets W and then we’ll drink our face off and maybe even bang a broad on Broad Street. I’m fuckin’ pumped!

Joey: Fat chance of that happenin’ brah. I can’t believe you convinced me to book this trip back in April. What da fuck was I thinkin’ brah? A Mets/ Phillies series in August? I should have known by now the Mets would be well on their way to another dissapointin’ season and deez fuckin’ Phillies would be heatin’ up just in time to shit all ovah the Mets once again…oh and you ain’t gettin’ laid either.

Owen: Whatever man. Mets aren’t done yet. And if they lose—at least we had an excuse to get away for the weekend and have a good time.

Joey: Fuck dat shit. This ain’t a weekend getaway! I feel dirty just being in this shithole of a city. Ya got any hand sanitizer?

Owen: I don’t. Sorry. Let’s just get to our seats. The games about to start. (more…)

June 8^th, 2010, 9:00 pm—Joey’s Apartment: Bellerose, New York

(phone rings)

Joey: (watching Mets Game) C’mon Francouer! Ya piece-a-shit!

(phone rings)

Joey: Hello?

Owen: Joey! What’s up ya guinea bastard!?

Joey: Just watchin’ deez fuckin’ shitty Mets, ya dumb Irish prick.

Owen: Shitty? Things are looking good! We are just 2.5 games out of first. We look unstoppable at Citi Field right now!

Joey: yeah yeah, They can’t fuckin win on da road though!  They’ll never go anywhere if they don’t’ win on da road!…And dis piece-a-shit Reyes! When is dis bum gonna start fuckin’ hitting? He’s battin’ Two-Fowty!

Owen: yeaaaah, he’ll get it together though.  Give him some time.

Joey: Nah, he’s a fuckin canca in the clubhouse! That’s the problem with dis’ fuckin’ team.  We need some team chemistry! We got all these fuckin’ Mexicans on the team, doing dances every time they hit the ball or pointin’ to da sky every time they strike someone out! Dees bastahds should be cuttin’ my fuckin’ lahwn!

Owen: Jose Reyes is from the Dominican Republic

Joey: Same fuckin’ shit! Omah Minaya is fuckin’ racist! We need more white guys on da team!

(David Wright strikes out) (more…)