Spring Training is here! Major League Baseball players are reporting to camp and getting ready for the upcoming baseball season.

Meanwhile, sports writers follow the players down South in order to provide news to baseball fans across the country that are hungry to read about baseball after a long winter.

Yet we are still over a month away from any meaningful games so there really isn’t a lot to talk about.  There’s not much going on at Spring Training other than light jogging, pitchers fielding practice and soft tossing.  However, beat writers have to write about something while they are down in Florida and Arizona, so they find ways to turn just about anything into a 1,500-word press release.

I did this last year and found a number of ridiculous articles. So I dug deep into the MLB.com news archive again and found five more absurd articles that could hardly be called newsworthy.

John Axford Accurately Predicts Some of the Oscar Winners (more…)

Saturday, August 7, 2010, 6:58 pm EST, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Owen: This weekend is gonna be awesome Joey! A weekend in Philly, tickets to see Mets/ Phillies at Citizens Bank Park. Hopefully, we’ll see a Mets W and then we’ll drink our face off and maybe even bang a broad on Broad Street. I’m fuckin’ pumped!

Joey: Fat chance of that happenin’ brah. I can’t believe you convinced me to book this trip back in April. What da fuck was I thinkin’ brah? A Mets/ Phillies series in August? I should have known by now the Mets would be well on their way to another dissapointin’ season and deez fuckin’ Phillies would be heatin’ up just in time to shit all ovah the Mets once again…oh and you ain’t gettin’ laid either.

Owen: Whatever man. Mets aren’t done yet. And if they lose—at least we had an excuse to get away for the weekend and have a good time.

Joey: Fuck dat shit. This ain’t a weekend getaway! I feel dirty just being in this shithole of a city. Ya got any hand sanitizer?

Owen: I don’t. Sorry. Let’s just get to our seats. The games about to start. (more…)

June 8^th, 2010, 9:00 pm—Joey’s Apartment: Bellerose, New York

(phone rings)

Joey: (watching Mets Game) C’mon Francouer! Ya piece-a-shit!

(phone rings)

Joey: Hello?

Owen: Joey! What’s up ya guinea bastard!?

Joey: Just watchin’ deez fuckin’ shitty Mets, ya dumb Irish prick.

Owen: Shitty? Things are looking good! We are just 2.5 games out of first. We look unstoppable at Citi Field right now!

Joey: yeah yeah, They can’t fuckin win on da road though!  They’ll never go anywhere if they don’t’ win on da road!…And dis piece-a-shit Reyes! When is dis bum gonna start fuckin’ hitting? He’s battin’ Two-Fowty!

Owen: yeaaaah, he’ll get it together though.  Give him some time.

Joey: Nah, he’s a fuckin canca in the clubhouse! That’s the problem with dis’ fuckin’ team.  We need some team chemistry! We got all these fuckin’ Mexicans on the team, doing dances every time they hit the ball or pointin’ to da sky every time they strike someone out! Dees bastahds should be cuttin’ my fuckin’ lahwn!

Owen: Jose Reyes is from the Dominican Republic

Joey: Same fuckin’ shit! Omah Minaya is fuckin’ racist! We need more white guys on da team!

(David Wright strikes out) (more…)

Today, we have our first solo post from Don Valdez, AKA DV from the 24 Mockery feature…

Why am I a Mets fan?  When I was about four years old my father threw me a bag and said if you catch this you get to keep what’s inside.  I dropped the bag twice.  On the third time I did catch the bag and inside was a Mets hat.

162 days out of the year I ask myself… Why I did I accept this gift when I clearly dropped the bag twice?   The baseball gods were clearly trying to help me out.  Alas, I ignored their signs.  And here I am.

Were there good times?  Of course there were good times.   Were there bad times?  No.  Simply saying there were bad times would be a horrific understatement.

This will likely turn into a recurring article—as every few days I plan on confessing I am a Mets fan and how much it blows.

April 29^th 2010 – Today’s Confession… I Hate the Mets… (more…)

Fans of the New York Mets have been made to suffer throughout the years like no other fan base in sports. Sure they’ve won two memorable world championships in their brief 47 year history. Fans of the Chicago Cubs and the Cleveland Indians would kill for that. However, over the years, Met fans have been forced to deal with more heart wrenching, bizarre, and embarrassing moments than any other professional sports franchise in history. To prove my point, here are 20 reasons why Mets fans have suffered more than anyone else. (more…)

It’s Friday. The weekend is finally here. So forget about doing work. Friday’s are meant for procrastination. Waste some time and enjoy my favorite links from the past week. (more…)