After a long lay-off, it time to bring back one of the most popular features on Living with Balls: Random Guys I Want to Punch in the Face. I took some time away from this feature because I had run out of guys that I wanted to punch out. Yet in recent weeks, a new batch of idiots has crossed my path, thus inspiring me to revive the dormant feature.

Here’s a new list of people I’d like to punch in the face!

The Bathroom Attendant Guy
Ever go to a fancy restaurant or a wedding and there is some dude just hanging out in the bathroom, handing out paper towels and watching people piss? I hate this friggin’ guy. All he does is stand by the sink in a fancy suit, hand people paper towels and look for tips.

So because you handed me a paper towel, now I have to tip you? FUCK. THAT. A nutless monkey could do your job. I’ll pocket my dollar and get the paper towel myself. I’d like to punch this guy right in the mouth, so that his lip is bleeding, then hand him a paper towel to clean himself off, while holding out my other hand for a tip because I gave him the towel. (more…)

The holidays in the United States are completely out of whack.  We get off for days we should be working and we work on days we should have off.

It’s time we made some changes.

Here at LWB, I’ve decide to write a proposal that will drastically alter the holidays in this country.

With Election Day around the corner, I suggest you send this proposal to your local representative and suggest he or she push for this radical restructuring.

In this post, I will discuss which holidays should be eliminated and why, and then I will determine a replacement for that holiday (since us Americans certainly do not want to lose any days off).

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Random Guys I Want to Punch in the Face is Back!  This edition is going to be a little different though.  Don’t worry, I’ll still be talking about people I want to punch in the face. You’ll just see a number of references from the movie Anchorman scattered throughout the post.  See if you can spot the them. (more…)

There’s an epidemic going around this holiday season and it’s not the swine flu. It’s much worse than that…It’s the holiday text message. The holiday text message is a mass text message that is sent out from a friend or family member wishing you a happy holiday. This may seem like a friendly act, but it is not.

As texting has becoming more mainstream, I’ve seen an exponential increase in the number of text messages I receive on a given holiday each year. Mothers, grandmothers, toddlers: they’re all texting these days. The problem is getting increasingly worse.

The worst days for holiday text messaging are upon us. Thanksgiving, which just passed, is one of them. Christmas, New Years Day and Easter are the other three main culprits. Jewish people, you are safe for 50 percent of these holidays. This might be the only scenario where a Christian would be jealous of a Jewish holiday. (more…)

Back in August, I wrote a post called Random Guys I Want to Punch in the Face.  That post has turned out to be, by far, the most popular piece of literature on this web site.  Therefore, I thought I’d give the people more of what they want.  Here are more random people I want to punch in the face. 

THE I GET AWAY WITH USING THE “N” WORD IN FRONT OF BLACK PEOPLE BECAUSE I’M HISPANIC GUY
I work in an urban area of NYC with a population comprised of mostly African-Americans and Hispanics.  Everyday of my life I hear a Spanish guy use the “N” word. IN FRONT OF BLACK PEOPLE—and no one even bats an eye.  SERIOUSLY?  Why do they get a free pass on the word?  If I even whispered the “N” word, Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson and 30 members of the NAACP would be protesting outside my doorstep.  Why are black people ok with this?  Can someone explain this to me? 

THE DEVELOPERS OF MICROSOFT OFFICE 2007
Hey I got an idea! Let’s take software that everyone in the world uses and make it completely fucking different.  Let’s change the way it looks so no one can figure out how the fuck to find anything!  THEN let’s make it incompatible with the old version so everyone who still has Microsoft Office 2003 can’t OPEN ANY ATTACHMENTS!  If I had a dime for every time I had to reply to an email with a DOCX attachment asking the person to convert and resend it, I could have bought out Bill Gates by now.  Where did they get these retards? The Katherine Gibbs School?  I’d like to lay these worthless bastards out.

(Note: Recently they finally added a plugin to make it compatible—I still fucking hate it though) (more…)

Meetings. Anyone with a job has been forced to sit though one or several hundred at some point. Some jobs require more meetings than others. In my job, I’m forced to sit through my fair share of them.

Meetings are a weird place. They have weird rules and cultures that cannot be found anywhere else in society. You act a certain way and use phrases that no person has ever uttered outside of a conference room in the history of mankind.

Where else but in a meeting do you use the word “nay” or “quorum”? Where else in life do we make a motion or have an agenda? That isn’t the worst part of it…

Minutes. This is by far, the most ridiculous part of the meeting. The only thing worse than sitting through a meeting is reading a recap of last week’s meeting. (more…)

Every so often I run into someone I just want to punch in the face. For whatever reason they just get under my skin. I may not even know them or ever talk to them. They just give off a vibe that says “I deserve to be punched in the face.” Here are some of these people. (more…)

I love Facebook. There are many ways to waste time at work but Facebook is definitely #1 on my list. Blogging is #2.   Facebook brings my level of procrastination to new heights.  However, like anything else, there are things about it that annoy me.  Here is a list of my biggest Facebook pet peeves. (more…)