Saturday, August 7, 2010, 6:58 pm EST, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Owen: This weekend is gonna be awesome Joey! A weekend in Philly, tickets to see Mets/ Phillies at Citizens Bank Park. Hopefully, we’ll see a Mets W and then we’ll drink our face off and maybe even bang a broad on Broad Street. I’m fuckin’ pumped!

Joey: Fat chance of that happenin’ brah. I can’t believe you convinced me to book this trip back in April. What da fuck was I thinkin’ brah? A Mets/ Phillies series in August? I should have known by now the Mets would be well on their way to another dissapointin’ season and deez fuckin’ Phillies would be heatin’ up just in time to shit all ovah the Mets once again…oh and you ain’t gettin’ laid either.

Owen: Whatever man. Mets aren’t done yet. And if they lose—at least we had an excuse to get away for the weekend and have a good time.

Joey: Fuck dat shit. This ain’t a weekend getaway! I feel dirty just being in this shithole of a city. Ya got any hand sanitizer?

Owen: I don’t. Sorry. Let’s just get to our seats. The games about to start. (more…)

June 8^th, 2010, 9:00 pm—Joey’s Apartment: Bellerose, New York

(phone rings)

Joey: (watching Mets Game) C’mon Francouer! Ya piece-a-shit!

(phone rings)

Joey: Hello?

Owen: Joey! What’s up ya guinea bastard!?

Joey: Just watchin’ deez fuckin’ shitty Mets, ya dumb Irish prick.

Owen: Shitty? Things are looking good! We are just 2.5 games out of first. We look unstoppable at Citi Field right now!

Joey: yeah yeah, They can’t fuckin win on da road though!  They’ll never go anywhere if they don’t’ win on da road!…And dis piece-a-shit Reyes! When is dis bum gonna start fuckin’ hitting? He’s battin’ Two-Fowty!

Owen: yeaaaah, he’ll get it together though.  Give him some time.

Joey: Nah, he’s a fuckin canca in the clubhouse! That’s the problem with dis’ fuckin’ team.  We need some team chemistry! We got all these fuckin’ Mexicans on the team, doing dances every time they hit the ball or pointin’ to da sky every time they strike someone out! Dees bastahds should be cuttin’ my fuckin’ lahwn!

Owen: Jose Reyes is from the Dominican Republic

Joey: Same fuckin’ shit! Omah Minaya is fuckin’ racist! We need more white guys on da team!

(David Wright strikes out) (more…)

This is a historic day for Living with Balls. For the first time in LWB history, we have a female contributor. Bejewell who has a blog called The Bean, has agreed to do a guest post. Her blog is one of my personal favorites so I’m very excited to have her on board.

As you can see by the title, she has an interesting sense of humor. Check out her awesome skit below…

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Husband: (walks into office and sees multiple photos of testicles on computer screen) Good lord!  What the hell are you doing?

Bejewell: I’m doing research about balls.

Husband: Why are you researching balls?

Bejewell: Because I’m writing a guest post for John.

Husband: Who’s John?

Bejewell: John is a guy with a blog called “Living With Balls.”

Husband: John has a blog about his balls?

Bejewell: Yeah.  Well, I mean, it’s not JUST about balls.  It’s about all kinds of man stuff. (more…)

Have you tried explaining an episode of LOST to someone who hasn’t seen the show before? It’s probably easier to explain the theory of relativity to a six-year old. Here’s a little skit I did on how difficult this task is.

Tuesday, 8:58 pm, my apartment

(Doorbell Rings)

Friend: Hey John! What’s up buddy? I thought I’d stop by and see what you were up to.
Me: Just about to watch Lost actually…You watch it?
Friend: Nah. I’ve never seen it before. I heard it was good though. I’ll check it out.
Me: Ok. Well just shut the fuck up and don’t ask any questions. I’ll explain it to you during the commercials.
Friend: Ok. No problem.

(more…)