August can be a depressing month for a lot of people.  The summer is winding down, which means the warmer weather will leave us soon and many of us will be heading back to work or school shortly.  But if there’s one thing to get excited about in August—at least from a man’s point of view—it’s your fantasy football draft.

Sadly, throughout the years, there are few things that I anticipate more than my fantasy football draft.  Every year I prepare more for my draft than I probably did for my GMAT, SAT and every final I ever took in college.  I leave no stone unturned.  I read up on ESPN.com during my lunch break and comb through fantasy football magazines when I sit on the toilet.  My hard work has paid off as I have become the most decorated manager in my league, winning three times in seven years…and yes, my Mother is very proud.

Now today, I give you my keys to my success…. (more…)

So the USA lost a tough match to Ghana this past weekend in the knockout round of the 2010 World Cup. Only in soccer can a third-world nation like Ghana beat a powerhouse like the United States. Ghana probably couldn’t beat the USA in a game of Tic-Tac-Toe, but somehow they beat us in soccer.

The reason for this: The vast majority of us Americans don’t give a shit about soccer.
Sure we get a little excited for one month every four years, when the World Cup comes around. We go out and be nice little capitalists. We buy Landon Donovan jerseys and drink at 9:30 am at our local bar when the game is on. We curse at the referees for calling off-sides (even though we’re not quite sure how off-sides works in soccer. Why is there no blue line?), and we don’t understand why they don’t just stop the clock when the ball goes out of bounds.

But once the World Cup is over, we’ll go back to our American football and baseball and we’ll make fun of people for watching the MLS. Soccer won’t even enter our thought process again until the next time David Beckham is on TMZ. Even yesterday, with the World Cup in full swing, SportsCenter led with the Tampa Bay Rays/ Arizona Diamondbacks game. (more…)

June 8^th, 2010, 9:00 pm—Joey’s Apartment: Bellerose, New York

(phone rings)

Joey: (watching Mets Game) C’mon Francouer! Ya piece-a-shit!

(phone rings)

Joey: Hello?

Owen: Joey! What’s up ya guinea bastard!?

Joey: Just watchin’ deez fuckin’ shitty Mets, ya dumb Irish prick.

Owen: Shitty? Things are looking good! We are just 2.5 games out of first. We look unstoppable at Citi Field right now!

Joey: yeah yeah, They can’t fuckin win on da road though!  They’ll never go anywhere if they don’t’ win on da road!…And dis piece-a-shit Reyes! When is dis bum gonna start fuckin’ hitting? He’s battin’ Two-Fowty!

Owen: yeaaaah, he’ll get it together though.  Give him some time.

Joey: Nah, he’s a fuckin canca in the clubhouse! That’s the problem with dis’ fuckin’ team.  We need some team chemistry! We got all these fuckin’ Mexicans on the team, doing dances every time they hit the ball or pointin’ to da sky every time they strike someone out! Dees bastahds should be cuttin’ my fuckin’ lahwn!

Owen: Jose Reyes is from the Dominican Republic

Joey: Same fuckin’ shit! Omah Minaya is fuckin’ racist! We need more white guys on da team!

(David Wright strikes out) (more…)

In the world of sports, commentators, writers and other members of the media like to throw around all sorts of overused sports terms. Since many members of the media often have a close relationship with the players, they have to choose their words carefully when they criticize them in the newspaper or on a broadcast.

Over the years, several critical sports terms have become mainstream. These politically-correct terms usually hide some type of flaw in the player’s game. Here are a few examples.

Game Manager

A term given often given to a mediocre quarterback who happens to play on a team with good defense and a strong running game. Typically it’s someone who throws like a girl, can’t hit receivers downfield, but rarely gets picked off. It usually takes him 20 plays to execute a scoring drive because he can’t throw the ball effectively on passes more than five yards.

The media may say something like: “The Miami Dolphins have a great running game and a solid defense. If Chad Pennington can just manage the game, I like their chances of coming out with the victory this Sunday.”

Translation: “The Dolphins have a great rushing attack and their defense may even score some points for them. If Pennington can just hand the ball off to Ronnie Brown and not throw the ball to the other team four times, then they should probably win this game 9-7. (more…)

Spring is in the air! If there’s one thing Spring is synonymous with, it’s baseball.  However, most men my age have long since given up on their boyhood dreams of playing professional baseball.  Lack of athletic ability, combined with unwillingness to work hard has put an end to that dream.  Instead, men (me included) have decided to live out their dying boyhood fantasies by playing slow-pitch softball.

As someone who has been playing for about seven years now, I have learned a lot and I am ready to pass on my knowledge to you.  With leagues beginning to start up, it’s important that all men follow these important rules.  These are 10 commandments that all men who play softball must abide by.  (more…)

There is a close friend of mine, whose brother is an alumnus of the University of Maryland. After Maryland lost on a buzzer-beater to Michigan State in the Second Round of the 2010 NCAA tournament, he posted on Facebook that it was the worst sports loss of his life.

That got me thinking. What is the worst sports loss of my life? As a HUGE Yankees fan, I haven’t had too much to complain about over the years. However, there have still been a few heartbreaking losses mixed in with all those titles.

The 2004 loss to the Boston Red Sox in the ALCS is certainly an easy choice for most Yankees fans. Blowing a 3-0 deficit to the hated Red Sox was certainly difficult to swallow.

Yet after thinking about it, there were two other games in my lifetime that hurt just a little bit more… (more…)

ESPN Studios. Super Bowl Week…

Mike Greenberg: We are back on ESPN radio, with our continuing coverage of Super Bowl XLIV. We are in day 9, hour 3 of our non-stop Super Bowl analysis. We still have SO MUCH to talk about.

Mike Golic: POT ROAST!

Greenberg: Anyway, we have a special guest for you on our Subway Fresh Take, OnStar, Verizon, Sprint, AT&T, Quiznos, Metro PCS Hotline. It’s none other than ESPN Analyst and Super Bowl champion Mark Schlereth! Welcome to the show Stink! (more…)

In of the greatest games in Yankee postseason history, the Bronx Bombers defeated the Minnesota Twins 4-3 Friday night to take a commanding 2-0 ALDS series lead. Everyone knows that already though. No one is coming to this site to read a recap. These are some observations from last night’s instant classic that you may not know about.

ALEX RODRIGUEZ
Last night A-Rod came through with a game-tying home run off closer Joe Nathan in the bottom of the ninth inning. Alex the Great is finally showing that he can come through in big playoff situations. Does this mean that A-Rod has finally earned his pinstripes? Is Alex officially a “True Yankee?” Can he finally be mentioned in the same breath as such Yankee greats like Chad Curtis, Scott Brosius and Mariano Duncan? I’ll leave that to the sportswriters to figure out. (more…)

Many boys grow up dreaming of sports glory. Throwing the winning TD pass in the Super Bowl, hitting a walk-off home run to win the World Series or draining the winning basket as time expires to win the NBA championship are just a few of the dreams that fill the heads of American youngsters as they sleep.

These are not easy dreams to attain. Just to be in the position to achieve sports glory, it takes a lifetime of hard work, dedication, discipline and, most importantly, God-given talent.

Those who aren’t talented enough but love sports may look to a job as a broadcaster, or general manager or some sort of front office job. Well these aren’t too easy to get either. You need a bachelors AND a masters degree and you need to work 20 different internships before anyone will even hire you. Even after that you probably still need to know someone to get in. Working behind the scenes requires more work than being an athlete.

Well…most men are lazy. This is why so few achieve this goal. However, there are some jobs in sports that require little or no effort. These are the jobs every lazy man out there should dream to attain. These are the ten easiest jobs in sports. (more…)

OMG you guys! Fire Joe Morgan is back for one day only on Deadspin! If you are not familiar with Fire Joe Morgan, then you’ve been missing out. Firejoemorgan.com was a web site created in 2005 that was devoted to mocking bad sports journalism. The blog took off but the guys decided to stop writing in 2008. Turns out two of them are writers for NBC and just didn’t have the time to do it anymore.

Anyway they are making a one day appearance on Deadspin. If you are a big baseball fan you MUST check this out. This article is definitely my favorite. Be sure to check out the others as well.