The month of February features a holiday in which a bunch of hicks in Pennsylvania look to a rodent for weather predictions. Yet Groundhog Day is still not the dumbest holiday in the month of February. That honor belongs to Valentine’s Day.

Now I am not one of those angry, lonely people who get bitter every Valentine’s Day because I can’t get laid. I’m engaged and I still hate the holiday!

So why do I think Valentine’s Day is one of the dumbest holiday’s ever? Here are a few reasons…

IT’S AN ARBITRARY DATE
February 14th has no significance to me. Nothing special has happened on this date. No one I know was born on this date. It’s not our anniversary. The U.S.A. didn’t storm the beaches of Normandy on February 14th. So why should I care? There’s no reason to celebrate. Valentine’s Day has as much significance to me as Arbor Day. So how did Valentine’s Day come about? Why is it on February 14th?

Well according to Wikipedia…

“It is a common opinion that the Christian church may have decided to celebrate Valentine’s feast day in the middle of February in an effort to Christianize celebrations of the pagan Lupercalia, and that a commemorative feast was established in 496 by Pope Gelasius I, of those “… whose names are justly reverenced among men, but whose acts are known only to God,” among whom was Valentine, was set for the useful day.”

Paganism is such a rampant problem these days. Good thing we have Valentine’s Day to combat it.

IT FORCES ME TO SPEND MORE MONEY
We are fewer than two months removed from Christmas, a season which nearly puts me out on the streets on an annual basis. Now as I’m beginning to pay off my debts, I have to spend MORE money.

Even though my fiancé isn’t a fan of the holiday either, I’m still going to have to buy her something. I can’t show up empty-handed. That would be a BAD move. I should probably get my Mom a card too. She did give birth to me and raise me. Damnit…These gifts never end!

Now I’m not saying she doesn’t deserve some nice flowers or jewelry. The Future Mrs. S. can testify that I do randomly bring her flowers from time-to-time (they are also a good option when you are in the dog house). I just don’t think I should be obligated to purchase them on some bullshit holiday, just so she won’t be upset with me.

IT’S A WOMAN’S HOLIDAY
Valentine’s Day is a woman’s holiday. Men do all the work, while the women enjoy the fruits of our labor. The men must buy a romantic gift, spends lots of money and take the time to plan a special night. What does the woman have to do? Other than sit there and look pretty… not too much.

I say to balance out Valentine’s Day, there should be a National Blow Job Day every year. On this date, every woman should be required to give her significant other a BJ without the man having to work or beg for it. I’d look forward to that. How about June 9th? (6/9) That seems fitting.

What are your thoughts on Valentine’s Day? Like it? Dislike it? Talk about it.